Contest Jokes / Recent Jokes

Everybody who has a dog calls it something like "Rover" or "Spot" or "Bruno" But I thought I'd call my dog "Sex."
Now my dog, Sex, has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the city hall to renew his license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too". Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said that I must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with us. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the hotel was for sex. So I finally said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too."
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran more...

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did

Chukchuk is in a Quiz Contest trying to win Prize money of Rs.1 Million US$
The questions are as follows:
1) How long was the 100 yr war?
A) 116
B) 99
C) 100
D) 150
Chukchuk says, "I will skip this"

2) In which country are the Panama hats made?
A) BRASIL
B) CHILE
C) PANAMA
D) ECUADOR
Chukchuk asks for help from the University students

3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
A) JANUARY
B) SEPTEMBER
C) OCTOBER
D) NOVEMBER
Sardar asks for help from general public

4) Which of these was King George VI first name?
A) EDER
B) ALBERT

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest.
The first has no arms.
The second no legs.
And the third has no body, just a head.
They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool.

The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.

Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.

He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.

Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my freakin' ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some idiot puts a swimming cap on me!"

Two young men decided to make a bet as to which one of them could make love more times in one night. They agreed that sunrise would be the end of the contest and each went to their respective motel rooms.

The more boastful of the two.....went right to it and made love to his date... leaned over and marked a' 'l'' on the wall.... Feeling sprightly, he went again... and once again at the completion of the act. .marked another' 'l'' on the wall - next to the first. Figuring he had the bet in the bag.. he decided to relax a bit and in relaxing....fell asleep.

Awakened by the sun's rays coming in the window... he quickly grabbed his lady and did it one more time...... and marked another' 'l'' on the wall... Just at that time. .His friend enters...and upon seeing the marks on the wall exclaims:

' 'DAMN- a hundred and eleven... beat me by three....''

Three Scientists were speaking to God. "Hey, God, you're not needed anymore. We can make Man ourselves.
"Oh really," God replied.
"Yes, really," said one of the Scientists. "As a matter of fact, just to prove it, why don't we have a contest to see who can make a man faster, you or us?"
"Ok," answered God, "let's do that."
The Scientist went back to his friends and explained, "We're going to have a contest with God to see who can make a man faster, Him or us."
So, the first Scientist went out and scooped up a large pile of dirt. Just then, a bolt of lightning struck the ground near him, causing him to drop the pile of dirt. Startled, he looked up at God and said, "What?!?"
"Get your own dirt!" God bellowed.

Elderly Man Sued for Stopping at Stop Sign
September 9, 2002 - Atlanta, USA
In a case possibly first of its kind, 67 year old Arthur Thompson is being sued by 32 year old Lynn Manaouski for stopping at a 4-way stop sign. In her statement she described how she came up to the intersection leading into her downtown condo, and rear ended the driver in front of her due to his 'complete and full stop'. She continues to say that of the almost 2 years of living in that particular condominium complex, she had not once been behind someone who had made a full stop at the stop sign, and that his inability to be 'consistent with typical driving patterns' caused the accident. As a result, she is convinced that Mr. Thompson is directly responsible for the accident and should be held accountable for all incurred costs of repair to both vehicles. When reminded that it is the law to make a complete stop at a stop sign, her abrupt response was "I am quite capable of deciding when it is a more...