Corn Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. What do you call the study of polyps?
Wart-iculture.
2. What did the tropical weather say when it made a mistake?
I am only Humid.
3. How does corn speak?
With a husky voice (and it is al ears)
4. What rank in the army is corn?
A Kernal.
5. Which yellow plant flew too close to the sun?
ICTERUS.
6. What do you call an undressed fruit?
INDEHISCENT
7. What do you call something done accidently by a rolled plant leaf?
Involutary.
8. Why is bach's concerto like a plant?
Both are organic.
9. What is the advice of tucan Sam to a botanist?
Follow your node.
10. What does a botanists do when he/she finds a new orchid?
Labellum.
11. What is a D&D villain oft encountered by a botanist?
An Orc-id.
12. The botanist was broke, so she took out a lawn, or was it a loam.
13. The corn followed you, you have been stalked.
14. What do you call it if you lick a more...

There are these three guys in a desert dying of dehydration. Off in the horizon they see a house and finally manage to struggle to it. The first guy goes up to the door to ask for water. The door is opened by this really old, wart-covered, puss covered, scaly, toothless old woman.

"C-c-c-can I h-h-h-have some w-w-w-water for me and m-my friends?" he asks.

She replied, "I will... if you have sex with me."

The guy pukes all over the woman and runs back to his friends.

"You guys would not believe who answered the door. Some really gross old lady!" he tells them. "She said we could have water if I had sex with her."

"Why didn't you then?" asks he second guy.

"Because she was so ugly, I was sick and couldn't do it!"

"Oh, you are such a wuss. I'll go up to the door," the second guy says.

He goes up to the door and rings the bell. The more...

14. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor; then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"
13. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettuccine alfredo you had for breakfast.
12. Take in a wineskin filled with water. Stand and slowly squeeze it out into the toilet, every 15-20 seconds moan or sigh.
11. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."
10. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
9. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
8. Stick your open palm under more...

Ever since they got married, Jan had a padlocked chest by the foot of their bed. Despite his pleading from time to time, she never revealed the contents to her husband, Bill. Finally, on their silver anniversary, she agreed to let him see the contents. He watched anxiously as she unlocked the chest and opened the lid. Inside were two ears of corn and fifteen thousand dollars. He looked at the chest and looked at his wife. Jan said, "It is like this. Every time I cheated on you, I put in an ear of corn." He was surprised to learn that she had been unfaithful. But twice in twenty-five years wasn't that bad, so he smiled and asked, "What about the money?" "Well, every time I reached a bushel, I sold it."

Martha Stewart vs Me... Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway. Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time. My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag. Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes. My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year. Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling. My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway? Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room more...

If Jimmy cracks corn, and no one cares, why is there a song about it?

Why call then hot water heaters if the water is already hot?

If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?

When a cow laughs does milk come up its nose?

Why do they put braille on the number pads of drive-through bank machines?

How did a fool and his money GET together?

If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon on the pan?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?