Current Jokes / Recent Jokes

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. NAME________________________ DATE OF BIRTH______________ HEIGHT________ WEIGHT__________ IQ________ GPA__________ SOCIAL SECURITY #________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #__________ BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_______________________________ HOME ADDRESS___________________ CITY/STATE__________ ZIP_____ Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? ___________________________ If NO, please explain ____________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ Number of years they have been married _______________________________ If less than your age, explain _______________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ Do you own a van? _______________ A truck with oversized tires? _______________ A waterbed? _______________ A pickup with a more...

Current Proceedings' Not Long Enough,' News Outlets Argue

On the eve of closing arguments in the Michael Jackson child-molestation trial, a coalition of the major all-news networks has asked the judge in the case for a new trial, claiming that the current legal proceedings were "not long enough."

A spokesperson for the networks, Peter Fendell, held a press conference on Thursday to state the cable news outlets' position that the current trial had given "short shrift" to the key issues in the case.

"Unless there is another, longer trial, preferably one that lasts until May sweeps in 2007, justice will not be served," Mr. Fendell said.

He said that a longer trial would allow more time to focus on the lurid sexual details of the case, which he said had been "glossed over."

He added that, in addition to being "too quick and cursory," the current Jackson trial was marred by the more...

Do these guys at Radio Shack ever get on your nerves, asking you
for a bunch of personal data when you're just there to buy something as
simple as a couple AA batteries? I think we should inconvenience these
people as much as they do us. A while ago I was in Enid buying a printer
cable adaptor and the guy asked me for my name.
"Ghosseindhatsghabyfaird-johnson," I replied.
(blank look of confusion)
"How do you spell that?" he asked, obviously not wanting to know.
"With a hyphen," I clarified
"Once more?" he asked
"Ghosseindhatsghabyfaird-johnson"
"Could you please spell that?" he asked, glancing at the half dozen
people waiting behind me.
"Oh... just like it sounds," I said nonchalantly.
Putting down "Johnson," he went on and asked about the address.
"Washburn, Wisconsin, 14701 N.E. Wachatanoobee Parkway, Complex 3,
Building O, Appt. more...

The job security quiz will help judge how long you'll end up at your current job and what will become of you. The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing DOOM at your desk, you... A. Swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first make a copy for his kid. B. Inform him that you're planting a virus in the program so that everyone who plays it on company time will get reported to Human Resources. C. Tell him that whatever he wants will have to wait until you've finished the level. There's a cush job opening in the mail department, stuffing envelopes with free samples. It pays twice as much as your current position. What do you do? A. Meekly suggest to your boss that transferring you might improve the morale of everyone who's been working with you. B. Politely ask your boss for a transfer and offer to split the salary increase 50/50 with him. C. Barge into your bosses office and demand reassignment so that you, "Won't have to work under someone who should more...

Astrology tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy and what you watch on television.
Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job title, people will have you all figured out...
MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing - which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree", you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with "customers" so you can "concentrate on the big picture". You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
TECHNOLOGY: Unable to more...

These are some real people's names, and what they grew up to be. They are all true:
1.) Iccolo Miccolo played the piccolo for the Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra.
2.) H.M. Balmer was a funeral director in Fort Collins, Colorado.
3.) Miss Birdie Snyder married C. Canary and became Birdie Canary.
4.) Perhaps it was best to ignore the orders of Dr. Besick, a doctor in Chicago, Illinois.
5.) The Clipper brothers worked as barbers in Bakersfield, California.
6.) Mr. Thrift of Keepit, Australia, won the $30,000 first prize in a lottery.
7.) D. Sharp was a radio tenor.
8.) Dr. H.A. Toothacre worked as dentist for the Burlington, Iowa, Independent School District.
9.) B.F. Parsons was a parson who lived in the parsonage on Parson Street in Sarna, Michigan.
10.) Greg Lawless was a police officer.
And Finally...
11.) A.C. Current was an electrical contractor in Tontogany, Ohio. His son's name? D.C. Current.

The job security quiz will help judge how long you'll end up at your current job and what will become of you.The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing DOOM at your desk, you... A. Swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first make a copy for his kid. B. Inform him that you're planting a virus in the program so that everyone who plays it on company time will get reported to Human Resources. C. Tell him that whatever he wants will have to wait until you've finished the level. There's a cush job opening in the mail department, stuffing envelopes with free samples. It pays twice as much as your current position. What do you do? A. Meekly suggest to your boss that transferring you might improve the morale of everyone who's been working with you. B. Politely ask your boss for a transfer and offer to split the salary increase 50/50 with him. C. Barge into your bosses office and demand reassignment so that you, "Won't have to work under someone who should more...