Custody Jokes / Recent Jokes
Child advocates would remove the child from the custody of his mother when
they discovered she was shacking with a guy (not the child's father) in a
barn. In most jurisdictions that would constitute child neglect.
Of course, Mary would have an underpaid court appointed attorney to represent
her in the dependent-neglect proceeding, and Joseph would be out of luck once
it was determined that paternity could not be established within a reasonable
degree of medical certainty through blood or DNA testing(97% probability that
Joe was the dad is sufficient, but absent divine intervention, that couldn't
happen, hmmm?). He would be excluded from juvenile court as a stranger to the
proceeding and investigated for possible sexual deviance (all those oxen and
asses around), and he would be told that he had no standing to object since he
was not the natural father of the child and was not yet married to Mary (by
their own admissions more...
At stake are child visitation rights & custody of several crack pipes.
A man and his wife in court are getting a
divorce.
The problem was who should get custody of the
child.
The wife jumped up an said:' Your Honor. I
brought the child into the world with pain an
labor. She should be in my custody.
The judge turns to the husband an says' What do
you have to say in your defence?
The man sat for a while contemplating.. then
slowly rose.' Your Honor. If I put a dollar in a
vending machine and a Coke comes out.. whose Coke
it. . the machine's or mine?
A custody battle in Santa Ana, CA, took an unusual turn when the mother of a 3-year-old girl claimed the girl's father is actually a woman. Kristie Vecchione, 27, said her husband became a man through sex-change operations more than 20 years ago. Vecchione, who was impregnated by artificial insemination, wants sole custody of her daughter on claims that same-sex marraiges are not recognized in the state of California.
A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to: me or the machine?"
The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote section of West Virginia. An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce in the local court.
But custody of the children was a problem.
The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that, since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The old mountaineer also wanted custody of the children. The judge asked for his side of the story and, after a long moment of silence, the mountaineer slowly rose from his chair and said, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"
Days after being awarded custody of their children, K-Fed is now vying for custody of he and Britney's dog.
Well, someone's gotta watch the kids.