Deep Thoughts Jokes / Recent Jokes

Animals-Pigs/Sheep Do you think sheep know when you're pulling the wool over their eyes?
Does the person who inventories sheep often fall asleep on the job?
If a pig is sold to the pawn shop is it then called a ham-hock?
If we make sweaters out of a sheep's hair, what do the sheep use to make sweaters?
If you can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear what can you make with it?
If you pushed a pig down a hill would he be a sausage roll?
What do pigs say when they don't want to do something? Would it be' Yea
when humans fly'?
What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?
Why can't pigs look up into the sky?
Why do pigs have curly tails?
Why do we call them guinea pigs when they are neither from Guinea nor are they pigs?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why is it that only pigs and humans can get sunburn?
Why is it that the first thing we try to do after killing a pig is to cure it?
Would a small pig be more...

Before Columbus' discovery why did mankind think the Earth was flat?

Doesn't the Bible in Isaiah 40-22 state that the Earth is a sphere?

Do brainstorms come with thunder and lightning?

Does anyone ever stop to think that maybe just maybe this question is totally pointless?

Does thought depend on language?

Don't you think that a hunch is just creativity trying to tell you something?

Don't you think that if everybody thinks nobody rules yet if somebody rules the rest are not permitted to think?

Have you ever stopped to think and forget to start again?

How can you think out loud?

How deep does a thought have to be to be a deep thought?

How do we know if it's later than we think?

How do we know if we're thinking straight?

How does one' pay attention'? Any do they accept Visa?

If great minds really think alike then what makes them so more...

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack? 4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? 6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in. . . what happens to the other penny? 8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? 10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? 11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist? 12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites? 13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? 14. Why isn't the number 11 more...

You quit trying to hold in your stomach, no matter who walks into the room.You enjoy watching the news.The phone rings and you hope it's not for you.The only reason you're still awake at 4 am is indigestion.People ask what color your hair USED to be.You're proud of your lawnmower.Your best friend is dating someone half their age AND isn't breaking any laws.You start singing along with the elevator music.You really do want a new washing machine for your birthday.Your car has four doors.You routinely check the oil in your car.You've owned clothes so long that they've come back into style TWICE.You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.7 AM is your idea of "sleeping in."You don't remember when you got that mole...or the one next to it.You write thank you notes without being told.Neighbors borrow your tools.

1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway). 3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.4. A backwards poet writes inverse. 5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. 6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. 7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed. 9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. 10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor. 11. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds. 12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. 15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

From an actual newspaper contest where entrants age 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey."...I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants
to wash clothes on the last day of their life? -- Age 15Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. -- Age 13Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote. -- Age 10For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out. -- Age 6Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the
biggest number you could come up with! -- Age 6As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes more...

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?What WAS the best thing before sliced bread?What would chairs look like if our knees bent the other way?If you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?If you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy, would you get a rash of good luck?If all the world's a stage, and all the people players, why isn't there better acting on' Baywatch'?If a no-armed man has a gun, is he armed?If you got into a taxi and the driver starts driving backwards, does she/he owe you money?If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?