Deep Thoughts Jokes / Recent Jokes
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor.You can't have everything, where would you put it?Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?Is there another word for synonym?Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Last week, I went to a furniture store to look for a decaffeinated coffee table. They couldn't help me.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific. I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add. I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time. I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now, but leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how to get out. I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it. I photocopied a mirror. Now I have an extra photocopy machine.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.It's always darkest before dawn. So, if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.Never test the depth of the water with both feet.It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.Never miss a good chance to shut up.Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.Diplomacy is the art of saying "good doggie" while looking for a bigger stick.How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands.
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set
2. A day without sunshine is like, night. 3. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. 5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. 8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. 9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges 10. Honk if you love peace and quiet. 11. Remember half the people you know are below average. 12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains? 13. Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool. 14. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 15. He who laughs last thinks slowest. 16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second more...
Vanity Plates seen on a Mercedes Benz in California - WAS HISWealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills - Making the last car payment.The trouble with Sunday drivers is, they don't drive any better during the week.If you can't keep a secret, you don't need to know it.Quote from the boss: "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."If you want the world to beat a path to your door, just try to take a nap on a Saturday afternoon.Measure wealth not by the things you have, but by the things you have for which you would not take money.When your dreams turn to dust, it's time to vacuum.Is your holier side your altar ego?I need someone to refresh my memory. How many cars are allowed through an intersection after the light turns red? Is it three or five?What's dumber, expecting educators to be entertaining, or expecting entertainment to be educational?