Demands Jokes / Recent Jokes
A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of lawyers. They called down to ground control with their list of demands and added that if their demands weren''t met, they would release one lawyer every hour.
Top Baseball Player Demands
From Late Show with David Letterman; Friday, August 12, 1994
In case anyone has od'ed on O.J. Simpson coverage or for those who might for some reason not know, the major league baseball player strike began today.]
No team flights on Continental Airlines.
Goodbye boring baseball hats, hello festive sombreros.
Make it legal to cork their pants.
Baseballs with delicious chocolate centers.
No more reports from that old guy up at Woodstock. [In reference to the live reports tonight from Calvert]
Two words: Streisand tickets.
Every team has to have at least one player named "Mookie".
Plenty of dugout Slimfast.
Put an on-deck circle in Madonna's bed.
More games against the Mets.
Top Baseball Player Demands From Late Show with David Letterman; Friday, August 12, 1994 In case anyone has od'ed on O.J. Simpson coverage or for those who might for some reason not know, the major league baseball player strike began today.] No team flights on Continental Airlines. Goodbye boring baseball hats, hello festive sombreros. Make it legal to cork their pants. Baseballs with delicious chocolate centers. No more reports from that old guy up at Woodstock. [In reference to the live reports tonight from Calvert] Two words: Streisand tickets. Every team has to have at least one player named "Mookie". Plenty of dugout Slimfast. Put an on-deck circle in Madonna's bed. More games against the Mets.
What asks no question but demands an answer? A doorbell or a ringing telephone.
Top Baseball Player Demands
From Late Show with David Letterman; Friday, August 12, 1994
In case anyone has od'ed on O. J. Simpson coverage or for those who might for some reason not know, the major league baseball player strike began today.]
No team flights on Continental Airlines.
Goodbye boring baseball hats, hello festive sombreros.
Make it legal to cork their pants.
Baseballs with delicious chocolate centers.
No more reports from that old guy up at Woodstock. [In reference to the live reports tonight from Calvert]
Two words: Streisand tickets.
Every team has to have at least one player named "Mookie".
Plenty of dugout Slimfast.
Put an on-deck circle in Madonna's bed.
More games against the Mets.
As Hostage Taker: Demand to speak only with FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. Have one of the hostages hold your gun while you make a quick trip to the bathroom. Let one hostage go to the bathroom. When he doesn't return, send the others to see what's taking him so long. Agree to let the hostages go, after doing so, make you demands. Rig the building to explode if someone tries to go through the door, then remember that you forgot to lock your car and leave the room. Confuse the detonator for your explosive booby-traps with your garage door opener. Tell the negotiator that you'd rather choke on tear gas than let the hostages go. Allow one of the hostages to win possession of your gun because of a paper-rock scissors tournament. Forget your gun at home. Run away bawling like a baby when one of your hostages calls you a "meanie". Ask the negotiator to tell your fiancee that this is all a joke and would she marry you. As Negotiator: Ask the hostage taker if he/she would more...
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a more...