Describe Jokes / Recent Jokes
A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated Irishman, who was also severly bleeding.The officer asked, "Can you describe the person who did this to you?"The Irishman replied, "That's what I was doing when he hit me."
Words can not describe the deep feelings I have for you...
But "Bitch" comes pretty close.
Computer Problem Report Form
1. Describe your problem:
________________________________
________________________________
2. Now, describe the problem
accurately:
________________________________
________________________________
3. Speculate wildly about the cause
of the problem:
________________________________
________________________________
4. Problem Severity:
A. Minor __
B. Minor __
C. Minor __
D. Trivial __
5. Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up __
B. Frozen __
C. Hung __
D. Strange Smell __
6. Is your computer plugged in?
Yes __
No __
7. Is it turned on?
Yes __
No __
8. Have you tried to fix it yourself?
Yes __
No __
9. Have you made it worse?
Yes __
10. Have you had a friend who knows
all about computers. Try to fix it
for you?
Yes __ No __
11. Did they make it even worse?
Yes __
12. more...
One guy's story...
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on the shoulder. This evidently pissed the driver off enough that he hung out his window and flipped the woman off.
"Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything stupid to me or near me in traffic; and here's why...
I drive 38 miles each way, every day, to work. That's 76 miles, of which 16 each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway. So, if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane. That's 7 cars every 40 feet for just the 32 miles that traffic is bumper to bumper.
That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars, plus the rest of my 34 mile commute which is not bumper-to-bumper, where I more...
There once were 2 baby animals: One is a duck and the other a skunk. As they were walking along with their parents, a car came speeding down the road. The baby skunk and duck watched in horror as their parents were run over by the car. Now the 2 babies were orphans. They had to stay together and help each other. Soon enough they were curious and wanted to know what kind of animals they were. They asked each other to describe their looks and tell what they were. The skunk went first and said..."Well, you have fluffy feathers, an orange bill, and you're white so you must be a duck!" The duck was now happy because he knew what type of animal he was. It was the duck's turn to describe the skunk and tell him what he was. The duck said... "Well you're not really black, and you're not really white, and you stink so you must be...(INSERT ETHNIC TERM HERE)!"
Some more terms for the TECHNO OFFICE DICTIONARY
Perot To quit unexpectedly, as in' My cellular phone just perot'ed.'
CLM (Career-Limiting Move) Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
Treeware Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.
Dead Tree Edition The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic forms, as in:' The dead tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle...'
Dilberted To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character.' I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.'
World Wide Wait The real meaning of WWW.
CGI Joe A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure.
Dorito Syndrome Feelings of more...
Computer Problem Report Form1. Describe your problem:________________________________________________________________2. Now, describe the problemaccurately:________________________________________________________________3. Speculate wildly about the causeof the problem:________________________________________________________________4. Problem Severity: A. Minor __ B. Minor __ C. Minor __ D. Trivial __5. Nature of the problem: A. Locked Up __ B. Frozen __ C. Hung __ D. Strange Smell __6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes __ No __7. Is it turned on? Yes __ No __8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes __ No __9. Have you made it worse? Yes __10. Have you had a friend who knowsall about computers. Try to fix itfor you? Yes __ No __11. Did they make it even worse? Yes __12. Have you read the manual? Yes __ No __13. Are you sure you've read the manual? Maybe __ No __14. Are you absolutely you'veread the manual? No __15. If you read the manual, do you thinkyou understood it? Yes __ No __16. more...