Describe Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here are the latest terms to add to your vocabulary in the office environment.

Assmosis- The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.

Blamestorming- Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

Seagull Manager- A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps all over everything and then leaves.

Salmon Day- The experience of spending an entire day swimming up stream only to get screwed and die in the end.

Chainsaw Consultant- An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.

CLM - Career Limiting Move - Used by microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from more...

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder.
This evidently pissed the driver off enough that he hung out his window and flipped the woman off.
"Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why:
I drive 38 miles each way every day to work, that's 76 miles. Of these, 16 each way is bumper-to-bumper; most of the bumper-to-bumper is on 8 lane highway. So if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like one car very 40 feet per lane. That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.
I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars on the areas not bumper-to-bumper. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day.
Statistically, half of these are driven more...

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colourful words in the english language is the word "
fuck."
It is the one magical word which by just its sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love.
"
Fuck"
falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as verb both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an active verb (John really gives a fuck), or a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), or a noun (Mary is a fine fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful). It should be obvious now that there are not many words as versatile as "
fuck."
Besides its sexual connotation, this lovely word can be used to describe many situations:
Fraud: I got fucked by my insurance agent.
Dismay: Oh, fuck it!
Problem: I guess I'm fucked now.
Aggression: Fuck you.
Passive: Fuck me.
Confusion: What the fuck?
Difficulty: I can't understand more...

There once were 2 baby animals: One is a duck and the other a skunk. As they were walking along with their parents, a car came speeding down the road. The baby skunk and duck watched in horror as their parents were run over by the car.
Now the 2 babies were orphans. They had to stay together and help each other. Soon enough they were curious and wanted to know what kind of animals they were. They asked each other to describe their looks and tell what they were.
The skunk went first and said..."Well, you have fluffy feathers, an orange bill, and you're white so you must be a duck!"
The duck was now happy because he knew what type of animal he was. It was the duck's turn to describe the skunk and tell him what he was.
The duck said... "Well you're not really black, and you're not really white, and you stink so you must be...(INSERT ETHNIC TERM HERE)!"

404
someone who is clueless, from the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found", meaning the requested document couldn't be located - Don't bother asking him, he's 404.
Adminisphere
The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rack and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
Alpha Geek
The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."
Beepilepsy
The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.
Blamestorming
sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
Brain Fart
A byproduct of a bloated mind producing information more...