Ding Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was a lady who was in bed with her lover one day, when she
hears a noise and realizes that her husband is home early from
work. She has no idea what to do with her lover so she sticks him
in the closet and successfully covers up every part of his body
except his balls. Thinking quick, she paints his balls red with
some spray paint.
Her husband comes up to the bedroom and opens the closet doors to
get out some clothes and notices the red balls hanging
there. "What are these?" he asks.
"Oh, those are just some Christmas Bells I picked up on sale this
afternoon," she answers.
He toys with them for a second and realizes that they are not
making noise, so he pulls them apart and clangs them together, but
all he hears is "uuuggghhh".
He says, "Honey, these things aren't working right, let me try
again." So he pulls them farther apart and bangs them more...
Taoism: shit happens.
Hare Krishna: shit happens rama rama ding ding.
Hinduism: this shit happened before.
Islam: if shit happens, take a hostage.
Zen: what is the sound of shit happening?
Buddhism: when shit happens, is it really shit?
Confucianism: confucius say: "shit happens".
7th Day Adventist: shit happens on saturdays.
Protestantism: shit won't happen if I work harder.
Catholicism: if shit happens, I deserve it.
Jehovah's Witness: knock, knock: "shit happens".
Unitarian: what is shit?.
Mormon: shit happens again & again & again
Judaism: why does this shit always happen to me?
A woman's husband has died. After a few months, she decides she wants a new one. She submits a classified ad as follows:"Widow looking for a new husband. To be considered, you must conform to these three criteria: 1 - You can't beat me (as my first husband did). 2 - You can't run around on me (as my first husband did). 3 - You MUST be good in bed (as my first husband wasn't)." A few days later, the doorbell rings. She opens the door and a man without any arms and or legs is sitting in a wheel chair." Can I help you?" she says." I'm here about your ad in the paper." "Which ad is that?" "The one looking for a husband." She says, "Uhm, well, there were certain criteria...""Yes, I know. Obviously, I could never beat you... I have no arms." "Well, yes, I see that... but there were other criteria." "And, as you can see, I could never run around on you... I have no legs." "Well, yes, that's true... more...
Ding! Ding!
A woman's husband has died. After a few months, she decides she wants a new one. She submits a classified ad as follows:
"Widow looking for a new husband. To be considered, you must conform to these three criteria:
1 - You can't beat me (as my first husband did).
2 - You can't run around on me (as my first husband did).
3 - You MUST be good in bed (as my first husband wasn't)."
A few days later, the doorbell rings. She opens the door and a man without any arms and or legs is sitting in a wheel chair.
"Can I help you?" she says.
"I'm here about your ad in the paper."
"Which ad is that?"
"The one looking for a husband."
She says, "Uhm, well, there were certain criteria..."
"Yes, I know. Obviously, I could never beat you... I have no arms."
"Well, yes, I see that... but there were other criteria."
"And, as you can see, I more...