Diving Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Man Went Scuba Diving. He Went 10 Feet Into The Water & He Saw A Man That Was Also In The Same Level Of Waterbut With No
Scuba Gear. He Went Another 30 Feet And Noticed The Same Man Again. So He Pulled Out His Waterproof Chalkboard And Wrote:"How
Are You Diving Without Your Scuba Gear?"The Man Snatched The Waterproof Chalkboard & Wrote:"I'm Drowning, You Fool!"
A doctor goes into a sanitarium one day to check up on the patients. He sees they are all lined up with bathing suits on, jumping into the air and landing hard on the floor.
He asks them what they are doing, and they all answer "We're diving into the pool".
Only one of them sits aside watching them. "I see you're not diving into the pool" the doctor says. The patient replies "I'm the lifeguard."
Saddam Hussain goes to hell and the devil is waiting there and he isnt in the best of moods, he look to Mr. Hussian and says "well well well look at who we have here, i am over booked so you have the choice of 3 doors and you MUST choose one of the doors, the door you choose will be your fate for all eternity!"
Mr. Hussain nods and they procceed to the first door and open it and here is Aldof Hitler diving into a pool and resurfacing then diving back in again, Mr hussian looks and shakes his head " i cant swim" he says
The devil shrugs and they procceed to the next door and here is Yassa Arafat hitting a rock with a pick over and over, Mr Hussian looks and shakes his head again " i have this bad shoulder and cant do heavy work" he says
The Devil shrugs and they proceed to the final door the devil opens it and here is Bill Clinton laying spread eagled on a torture table with Monica Lewinsky ontop of him doing what she does best, Mr Hussian's more...
When Mr.. Wilkins answered the door late in the evening one day after he'd lost his wife scuba diving, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen.' We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.'
'Well...tell me!' he demanded.
The policeman said,' We have some bad news, some pretty good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?'
Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkins said,' Give me the bad news first.'
So the policeman said,' I'm sorry to tell you sir, but we found your wife's body this morning in San Francisco Bay.'
'OH MY GOD!,' said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked,' What's the good news?'
'Well,' said the policeman,' When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her.'
'Huh?' he said, not understanding.' So, what's the great more...
1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.
2) Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people kind of almost drown today.
3) Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
4) Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.
5) Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.
6) Hit strangers with your flutter board.
7) Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you.
8) Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, ''Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....''
9) Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.
10) Swim near someone and go ''Shoot! I knew I shouldn't have had so much lemonade before I came here.''
11) Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.
12) Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say ''HA-HA, fooled you!''
13) Scream as someone is jumping off of a diving board.
14) Laugh at more...
1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met. 2) Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people kind of almost drown today. 3) Ask people if they have seen your pet shark. 4) Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys. 5) Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim. 6) Hit strangers with your flutter board. 7) Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you. 8) Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, "Oh yeah.. oooh that feels soooo good.." 9) Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move. 10) Swim near someone and go "Shoot! I knew I shouldn't have had so much lemonade before I came here." 11) Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool. 12) Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say "HA HA, fooled you!" 13) Scream as someone is jumping off of a diving board. 14) Laugh at fat people in swimsuits. 15) Tell more...