Drummer Jokes / Recent Jokes

How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando? Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.

Q: What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: What does a drummer say when he gets to his paying gig?
A: "Do you want fries with that?"
Q: What do you say to a drummer in a 3-piece suit?
A: "Will the defendant please rise..."
Q: What do you call a drummer who breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
Q: Why do drummers have a half-ounce more brains than horses?
A: So they don't disgrace themselves in the parade.
Q: How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
A: You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.
Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.
Q: Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
A: he had to break the window to get the drummer out!
Q: Why do drummers leave their drumsticks on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in the more...

1. What is the difference between a pizza and a drummer? A pizza can feed a family of four.
2. What do you call some one who likes to hang out with musicians? A drummer.
3. What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend? Homeless.
4. What is the difference between a dead snake and a dead drummer in the middle of the road? There are skid marks leading up to the snake.
5. What has three legs and an a-hole on top? A drum stool.
6. What’s the best way to confuse a drummer? Put sheet music in front of him.
7. What do you do to get a drummer off your doorstep? Pay him for the pizza.
8. Why do guitarists place drumsticks on their dashboards? So they can park in the handicap spots.
9. What’s the biggest lie told to drummers? I’ll help you with your gear.
10. Why are band breaks only 20 minutes? So you don’t have to retrain the drummer.

An amateur drummer died and went to heaven. He was waiting outside the pearly gates when he heard the most incredible fast and furious drumming coming from within. Immediately he recognized the playing and rushed to ask St. Peter if that was Buddy Rich playing drums inside the gates.

St. Peter responded: "No, that's God. He just thinks he's Buddy Rich."

Heard backstage: "Will the musicians and the drummer please come to the stage!"

A customer walks into the brand new store downtown that sells brains. There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering gray brain.

The first one says "SCIENTIST", and it costs $100.

The second says "ELECTRICIAN" and costs $1000.

The third says "DRUMMER" and costs $10, 000.

The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson.
"I don't get it... why would I want a drummer's brain for $10, 000 when I can get an scientist's brain for $100?".
The salesman replied, "Because, it's never been used."

In New York City, an out of work jazz drummer named Ed was thinking of throwing himself off a bridge. But then he ran into a former booking agent who told him about the fantastic opportunities for drummers in Iraq. The agent said "If you can find your way over there, just take my card and look up the bandleader named Faisal--he's the large guy with the beard wearing gold pajamas and shoes that curl up at the toes." Ed hit up everyone he knew and borrowed enough to buy transport to Iraq. It took several days to arrange for passport, visas, transportation into Iraq and the shipping of his equipment, but he was finally on his way. Ed arrived in Baghdad and immediately started searching for Faisal. He found guys in pajamas of every color but gold. Finally, in a small coffeehouse, he saw a huge man with a beard--wearing gold pajamas and shoes that curled up at the toes! Ed approached him and asked if he was Faisal. He was. Ed gave him the agent's card and Faisal's face brightened more...