Drunken Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Top 10 Reasons Disney Delayed Launching Their Cruise Line

Pluto's "accident" on Deck 3

Room service using Aladdin was getting out of hand.

Exterminator killed off "rat" problem only to discover they were Mickey and Minnie's cousins.

Drunken dispute between Donald and The Mighty Ducks over who was mightier.

Charo kept showing up.

The Beast from "Beauty and the Beast" kept eating the midnight buffet.

The Seven Dwarfs vandalized the ship after failing to meet the "You Must Be This Tall to Ride This Ride" Requirements.

Stench of seawater and 101 Dalmations was too strong.

Tour guide Goofy goes into drunken rampage and uses Chip and Dale as Shuffleboard discs.

New hires Doc, Isaac, and Gopher quit days before launch, citing that this job is not as "exciting and new" as their last one.

Inebriated drinker says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $37. 00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.

The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $37. 00.

The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender can't believe it, so he picks the guy up, beats the living day more...

A Drunken Night A guy wakes up in a drunken stupor, opening his eyes he sees Claudia Schiffer on the bed next to him. He thinks this is a little odd, as he doesn’t remember a thing, let alone going to bed with her. He decides to get up and get himself a drink from the fridge. He gets to the fridge and opens the door and is faced with a large suitcase. He takes the suitcase out of the fridge, puts it on the table and opens it to find $1 Million. This is just a little too much for the guy who thinks he is losing his mind.
He wonders if he is hallucinating, so he goes to the window and draws back the blind. Outside on his front lawn is the Klu Klux Klan and dangling from the tree is an open noose, empty. They appear to be beckoning him and shouting. Now the guy is really freaked out, he quickly draws the blind and turns around. In the corner of his kitchen is a leprechaun, obviously drunk as well. He asks the leprechaun what is going on. “Well, ” says the leprechaun, “I was more...

2 drunken fellows were passing by a graveyard late one night, when they heard a noise and went in to investigate. Earlier, another drunken fellow had accidentally fallen into an open grave. He kept saying, "I'm froze, I'm froze." One of the fellows looked down at him and said, "No wonder, you got all the dirt kicked off ya. Bye."

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
There were bottles of booze left around by some louse.
When through the North window there came a loud yell
I sprang to my feet to see what the hell...
And what to my bloodshot eyes should I see,
But eight drunken reindeer caught up in a tree.
And there in the branches, was a man with a sleigh.
I knew it was Santa, quite tiddley and gay.
Staggering nearer those eight reindeer came,
While he belched and hiccoughed and called them by name:
"On Whiskey! On Vodka! we ain't got all night,
You too, Gin and Brandy, now all do it right!
Clamber up on the roof, and get off this wall,
Get going you rummies, we've still got a long haul!"
So up on the roof went the reindeer and sleigh,
But a tree branch hit Santa before he could sway.
And then to my ears like the roll of a barrel,
A hell of a noise that was no Christmas carol.
So I pulled more...

A husband and his wife are awoken at 3 o'clock in the morning by pounding on the door. The husband gets out of bed, goes to the door and finds a drunken stranger asking for a push.
"No way," the husband says, "It's three o'clock in the morning!" He closes the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asks his wife.
"Some drunken stranger asking for a push," he replies.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not... it's three in the morning!" he says.
"Well, you certainly have a short memory," says the wife. "Don't you remember a few months ago when we broke down on vacation and those fellows helped us? I think you should help him."
The mans does as he is told and goes to the front door and calls out into the dark, "Hello... are you still out there?"
"Yes," comes the answer.
"Do you still want a push?" the husband calls out.
"Oh, more...

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
There were bottle of booze left around by some louse.
When through the North window there came loud a yell
I sprang to my feet to see what the hell...
And what to my bloodshot eyes should I see,
But eight drunken reindeer caught up in a tree.
And there in the branches, was a man with a sleigh.
I knew it was Santa, quite tiddley and gay.
Staggering nearer those eight reindeer came,
While he belched and hiccoughed and called them by name:
"On Whiskey! On Vodka! we ain't got all night,
You too, Gin and Brandy, now all do it right!
Clamber up on the roof, and get off this wall,
Get going you rummies, we've still got a long haul!"
So up on the roof went the reindeer and sleigh,
But a tree branch hit Santa before he could sway.
And then to my ears like the roll of a barrel,
A hell of a noise that was no Christmas carol.
So I pulled in more...