Drunken Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunken man answers, "Yes, I am." So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?" The drunken man replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."
The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus my brother?" The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."
By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again - but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking more...

The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "Ive got to take you in, sir. Youre obviously drunk"The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure Im drunk?""Yeah, buddy, Im sure," said the copper. "Lets go."Obviously relieved, the wino said "Thats a relief - I thought I was a cripple."

Q: How does a drunken Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?

A: Very satisfying

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into then rubbing the roofs of the cars.
The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. ‘What the heck are you doing? ’ he asks the drunk.
‘I’m looking for my car, and I can’t find it. ’ he replies.
‘So how does feeling the roof help you? ’ asks the puzzled manager.
‘well, ’ replies the drunk earnestly, ‘MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof! ’.

One day, the lion, the mighty king of the jungle make new law: "Animals not allowed drink alcohol". In the next day lion goes to control how the new law works. There are all O.K., only rabbit is drunken.
What's problem, rabbit, arn't you don't know the new law?
Big grief, big grief, lion, my vife leave me!
O.K., rabbit, that time I forgive you.
In the next day lion again goes control animals and founds rabbit drunken:
What's problem, rabbit, arn't you don't know the new law?
Big joy, big joy, lion, my wife come back to me!
O.K., rabbit, that time I forgive you, but in the last time. If one more time I see you are drunken, I f**k you.
In next day lion again goes control order in the jungle. All O.K., but he never can't find rabbit. At last he find lake and rabbits ears from the water. Lion takes its and take out full drunken rabbit from the water.
Rabbit, do you know, whot I'll do with you?
But who are you?
I am lion, the mighty more...