Duty Jokes / Recent Jokes

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM.Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. She sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache.""Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "aren't you Officer Fenwick of the 8th District?""Yes, I am," said the officer."Well, then, what in the world are you doing in the Fire Chief's uniform?"

Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were
planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being
an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from
some of the surrounding colleges to attend.
The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that
arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most
trustworthy students.
The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to
send a dozen or so of the other kind? "

Visitors: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. Extra points if you can gently grab their hands. They love that.

Licking: Always take a big drink immediately before licking humans. They prefer clean tongues. During the human’s dinner time, when you are in the same room is the best time to give yourself a full body bath. The louder you are the cleaner they think you are.

Sniffing: Humans like to be sniffed…. Everywhere. It is your duty as the family dog to accommodate them and anyone that you meet. Crotch sniffing will always get their attention.

Holes: If digging is a must do not dig one big hole (to noticeable). Rather, dig many smaller ones all over the yard as they will blend in and may not get noticed. Dogs with human gardeners are required to give their human a paw and help dig up anything growing in their garden.

Housebreaking: This is very more...

It was early one morning when the Pastor heard a noise outside
his door. When he opened it, he found a donkey standing outside,
which immediately fell over dead. Not exactly knowing what to do
about the situation, he called the local sheriff and told him about
the jackass laying before him.

The sheriff couldn't resist jabbing at the Minister and said, "Pastor, I thought the first duty of the Minister was to bury the dead."

Without hesitation, the Pastor said, "No the first duty of the Minister is to notify the next of kin."

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear: No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"
The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield."
The general said, "Drive on!"
The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."
The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"
The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?"

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear: No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler.""I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield."The general said, "Drive on!"The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?"

A new soldier, Banta, was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear: No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield.
A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back.
Banta said, "Halt, who goes there?"
The sergeant, who was driving, motioned to the back seat and said, "Brigadier."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You have to have a sticker on the windshield."
The Brigadier yelled from the back, "Drive on!"
Banta replied, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."
The Brigadier repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"
Banta walked up to the rear window and said, "Sir, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or your driver?"