Dwarf Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lady had a height problem - she was TOO tall, being excatly 2 meters tall. She hated the way she had to duck to walk through a doorway, the way she felt so uncomfortable in a car... So she visited an expert. The expert said:"Go visit the Dwarven Town. It's full of dwarfs. Find any dwarf, and ask him if he'll marry you. Every time a dwarf says' no,' you grow 10 cm shorter!"The lady did as she was told. She went to the Dwarven Town, and found a dwarf, and asked if he would marry her. He refused. She found herself 10 cm shorter. She quickly repeated this act another time on another dwarf. Now 180 cm tall, she decided to ask one more dwarf then go home. She boldly walked up to a dwarf and asked if he would marry her. The dwarf replied:"No, no, no, no, no...! I don't want to marry a tall person like you! You're too tall! No, no, no, no, no!"

Lisping Dwarf
A dwarf with a lisp goes to an agricultural show to buy a mare. He wanders around until he comes across a beautiful mare inside a small enclosure with a farmer standing at the gate. He goes up to the farmer and says,
"Excthuth me, can I have a look at your horth?"
"Sure", says the farmer, "come on in."
The dwarf wanders round and round the mare and then stops, says to the farmer "Her eyeth, her eyeth, I want to see her eyeth."
The farmer has to bend down and pick up the dwarf to show him the mare's eyes.
"Nith eyeth, nith eyeth, I like thith horth, I like thith horth, I think I want to buy thith horth." Once again the dwarf wanders around the horse, in turn asking the farmer to pick him up and show him the mare's ears and exclaiming, "Nith earth, nith earth, I like thith horth, I like thith horth, I think I want to buy thith horth."
The farmer is starting to get pissed off by this more...

Two dwarfs were on a golf vacation, and after playing 36 holes on the first day, they hit the local bar.
After a few drinks, they decided to pick up two prostitutes and take them back to their hotel rooms.
The first dwarf, however, was unable to get an erection. His depression was made worse by the fact that from the next room he heard cries of "One, two, three... uhh!" all night long.
On the first tee the next morning, the second dwarf asked the first, "How did it go?"
The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I couldn't get an erection."
The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?" he cried. "I couldn't even get on the damn bed!"

A Belgian walked through the forest when he heard a cry for help. He found a dwarf, stuck in a trap. He freed the dwarf, and the dwarf granted him two wishes.
'My first wish' the Belgian said, 'is a bottle of beer that will never be empty.'
And flash, there was the bottle. The Belgian opened it, and drank it empty. The next moment, the bottle was full again. The Belgian was very happy.
'What is your second wish ?', the dwarf asked.
The Belgian replied: 'I want another bottle'

Two dwarfs are sitting in a bar talking about women and beer when a couple of prostitutes stide up to them.
"Like any buisness tonight?"
They ask, making sure their ample clevages are showing.
"Ay! Allright" Of course obviously they are scottish...
"Just so happens we have two rooms in the hotel accross road" The first dwarf, 'Malcolm' says.
They cross the road and go up to their hotel rooms which are situated next to each other. Dwarf number 2 'Jimmy' as he likes to be called sits on the bed with his partner for the night.
"Ahhh....has been a long time since I have enjoyed such a woman as yourself" Jimmy tells his new found friend. But to his disgust he has great problems trying to get "lil' Jimmy" to cooperate... To make the situation worse he can hear Malcolm in the next room....
"ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! MMMWWAWWAAAAA!!" Obviously he is having far greater success... In fact at this point in time more...

Scientists meeting at the International Astronomers Union in Prague this week voted that Pluto is no longer a planet but rather a "dwarf planet." Three other planets in our solar system were re-classified as well:
Jupiter - "Super-Size Planet"
Saturn - "Bling Planet"
Mars - "Earth's Bitch"