Egg Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10, 000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.
"Oh, that," Frank said. "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box." Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad.
"But what about the 10, 000 dollars?"
"Every time I got a dozen, I sold them."

Two eggs are sitting in a frying pan. The first egg turns too the other and says, "Is it hot in here or is it just me?"
Then the second egg exclaims "AH! It's a talking egg!!!"

There was once two farmers who lived next door to each other. One had a hen and each morning would
look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day, as he looked into his garden, he saw that the hen had laid an egg in his neighbor's garden
next door. He was about to go get it when the other farmer quickly picked it up. The first farmer ran
up to the second farmer and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The
second farmer disagreed because the egg, as he pointed out, was laid on his property.
They argued back and forth for a while until finally the first farmer said, "In my family we normally
solve disputes by the following actions: I'll kick you in the groin and see how long it takes you to
get back up, then you kick me in the groin and see how long it takes for me to get up... whoever gets
back up the fastest, takes the egg."
The second farmer agreed to this. The first more...

Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed. Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "Poached? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg. Jill wasn't having any of it. "Do you think I don't like variety? I wanted poached this morning!" Determined to please Jill, the next morning he thought, "third time's a charm" and brought her two eggs -- one scrambled and one poached."Here, my love, enjoy!" Jill looks at the plate and says, "You scrambled the wrong egg."

What did the egg say to the boiling water?"How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."

It's a bummer to be an egg because... 1) You only get laid once. 2) You only get eaten once. 3) It takes 7 minutes to get hard. 4) You have to come in a box with 11 others. 5) The only one who'll sit on your face is your mother.

A very traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening. "Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He's going to be really mad if it's not on time!" she exclaimed suddenly. When she got home, she realized she didn't have enough time to go to the supermarket; and all she had in the cupboard was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband pulled up. She greeted her husband and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband really enjoyed his dinner. "Darling, this is the best dinner you've made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day." Needless to say, every bridge night from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish. She told her bridge cronies about it, and they were all horrified. "You're more...