Election Jokes / Recent Jokes

This past Election Day, as usual, I didn’t vote. Voting isn’t a system that works. The majority of people are idiots, and in voting, the majority of people are right. Politicians learn early on that they have to lie, make false promises, and hide their real agendas to get the majority of voters, who don’t know what they are talking about, to vote them into office. I don’t really blame them, as that is the position they are put in to succeed. It just makes it impossible to tell who’s corrupt, and who’s trying to help. They all have to lie to some extent. If the good one’s don’t lie, they’ll lose to the bad one’s who do because people are voting based on campaign promises that sound good. If a politician stood there and was realistic with everyone about what they think could be done, he wouldn’t sound very exciting. When have we had a candidate that came anywhere close to delivering what they promised in their campaign? Has that ever happened? Take Obama for more...

On Thursday, Republicans voted to designate English as America's national language. On Friday morning, God warned America about an upcoming terrorist attack in Spanish.

Natural Selection Foods, the company whose bagged spinach is at the epicenter of a massive E. coli outbreak, announced it has begun an aggressive testing program of produce entering its plant.
"We're going to prove that it's not our workers who shit in the spinach," said a company spokesperson.

Brought back from the Sudan when it was a one-party dictatorship.
A young man, going to "vote" for the first time in a national election,
got nervous in the voting booth and mistakenly voted against the ruling
party. When he told his father, the old man ran to the polling place to
try to correct the error that would probably spell doom for the whole
family. "Please, you must save us," he told the election officials in a
panic, "can the error be changed?"
"Don't worry," they replied, "it's already been taken care of."

Residents of Briny Breezes, a trailer-park town sitting on beachfront property have voted overwhelmingly to sell their community to a developer for more than $510 million, which could make most of them millionaires.Some residents bought their homes for as little as $35,000.
The contract isn't official -- and residents don't get any money -- until 2009. If the sale goes through, nearly every owner will get more than $1 million.
About 80 percent of the town's shareholders who cast ballots approved the sale, the rest are fucking morons.

John McCain lost by a significant margin to Barack Obama. In fact, McCain finished third in voting behind David Archuleta.

From modernhumorist.com
"One Hollywood exec said he wouldn't be surprised if the movie rights to 'the election of the century' were already being negotiated. 'It's got all the ingredients—a mysterious electoral college, weird tabulating procedures, missing ballots, lawsuits—as well as photogenic lead characters'."
- Variety
Uncountable
Dir. M. Night Shyamalan
In this supernatural thriller from the creator of "The Sixth Sense," an election is not what it seems. Gore (Bruce Willis) is haunted by the memory of losing Palm Beach County by a narrow margin. His son, Al Gore III (Brad Renfro) tells him, "I see missing ballots." An election law expert (Samuel L. Jackson) tries to find the truth. Please do not reveal the surprise ending (Gov. Carnahan is dead!).
How the Grinch Stole the Election
Dir. Ron Howard
Ralph Nader (Abe Vigoda) plots to steal away as many votes as possible from the gentle Gores in Goreville (Tennessee). more...