Election Jokes / Recent Jokes

Top Ten Things Overheard Last Night at the Florida Election Commission
10. "The first vote goes to Gore... call CNN and tell them Gore won."
9. "Wait, if my wet laundry is in the ballot box... oh my god! Stop the dryer!"
8. "If someone voted for' the jerk,' do I give it to Gore or Bush?"
7. "Let's be extra careful, because every single vote counts... ha, ha, ha, ha, just kidding!"
6. "120... 121... 122! Yes! I'm the ballot-eating champion!"
5. "This is much easier than my last job designing tires for Firestone"
4. "America must never know Ralph Nader actually won the election"
3. "Discard all these votes for Bush -- they're obviously left over from 1992"
2. "I'm sure gonna miss you guys when this is over. If only there was a way to make it last a few more days..."
1. "Heads Bush... Tails Gore"

US Attorney General John Ashcroft was visiting an elementary school. After fifteen minutes speaking he says:' I will now answer anyquestions you have.' Bobby stands up and says:' I have four questions': 1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore? 2. Why haven't you caught Osama bin Laden? 3. Why are you using the American Patriot Act to limit civil liberties? 4. Where are the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? Just then the bell goes and the kids rushed out to play. Upon returning, Mr Ashcroft said: "I am sorry we were interrupted. I will answer any questions you have.' A little girl called Julie stands upand says:' I have six questions': 1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore? 2. Why haven't you caught Osama bin Laden? 3. Why are you using the American Patriot Act to limit civil liberties? 4. Where are the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? 5. Why did the bell ring twenty minutes early? 6. Where is Bobby?

one day a minister and his guards went to a wedi gammanaya in election days. ministers idea was to get some more votes to his side. so he politely talked with the weddas. he went from house to house and sat down with other weddas, had lunch with them etc. to show his love and affection towards the wedi people.
Finally he called all the wedi people to gather around him. Then he started his speech. "Our government has done so many things for the good of this wedi people. We will give you electricity and tap water as soon as we come in to the power. We are hoping to take you all out this woods. we will make your lives much more easier. Vote for me in this election. I am looking forward to serve you. Before i leave does any one have any thing to say?? Or any one has any questions?.. please ask.."
After a short pause a wedi kollek came in front towards the minister... he was scratching his head and saying....
" Apita Deck pojjak thibbanam BLUE pojjak balanda more...

Associated Press - Polls show that most Americans plan to vote for Democrats in the next election. Republicans are working hard to come up with a "2000 election" strategy.

An after the election bonus: "Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that."
-Rhodes Scholar Bill Clinton

Colorado
• Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.
• Colorado law requires that wine be sold in containers of at least 24 ounces and spirits in containers at least a fifth of a gallon. But, at the same time, it also decrees that no alcohol beverage can be stored in hotel minibars in anything larger than miniature containers.
• Colorado Springs: It is permissible to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays.
• Crippe Creek: It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.
• Denver: The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park; It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor; It is illegal to mistreat rats; You may not drive a black car on Sundays.
• Durango: It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes more...

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Martinez, California: Gus Kramer faces an unusual challenge in his race for county assessor: His opponents would rather see a dead man elected. Kramer's only rival in the Contra Costa County race, Dan Hallissy, died of a heart attack April 10 -- too late for anyone else to run. But Hallissy's name will remain on the ballot for the June 7 nonpartisan primary. And the incumbent assessor is working to get him elected. Voters should have "a chance to elect an honest, experienced person to this office," said assessor John Biasotti. A Hallissy victory would force a special election next March, open to any candidate. U. S. Representative Bill Baker, a Republican, also is backing the posthumous effort. His spokesman said voters should have a choice. Kramer, who briefly stopped campaigning to mark Hallissy's death, decried the effort as a more...