Elizabeth Jokes / Recent Jokes

Queen Elizabeth and Lady Di are out for a drive in the royal car on a
Sunday afternoon, and they slow down when they see a man by the roadside
signaling for help. But no sooner has the car come to a stop than he
springs to the door, pulls out a gun, and orders them both out of the car.
"Queen Elizabeth," he snarls, "hand over that snazzy diamond tiara you're
always wearing."
"I'm terribly sorry, my good man," says the queen, "but I'm afraid I don't
wear it on Sundays."
"Aw, hell," says the guy. "Well listen, Di, hand over that fancy engagement
ring I keep seeing in all the pictures."
"I'm terribly sorry," says Lady Di sweetly, "but I'm afraid I didn't put it
on this morning. It must still be on my night table."
"Aw, shit," growls the guy. "I guess I'll just grab the car." So off
he drives at the wheel of the Bentley, more...

Queen Elizabeth is Britain's oldest-ever Queen. As Maxwell Smart would say, "Elton John missed it by that much!"

Isn't this the truth!...1970: Long Hair2000: Longing for hair1970: The perfect high.2000: The perfect high yield mutual fund.1970: Keg.2000: EKG.1970: Acid Rock.2000: Acid Reflux.1970: Moving to California because it's cool.2000: Moving to California because it's warm.1970: Growing pot.2000: Growing pot belly.1970: Douglas Street bridge.2000: Dental bridge.1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents.2000: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children.1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.2000: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.1970: Seeds and stems.2000: Roughage.1970: Popping pills, smoking joints.2000: Popping joints.1970: Our president's struggle with Fidel.2000: Our president's struggle with fidelity.1970: Paar.2000: AARP.1970: Being caught with Hustler magazine.2000: Being caught with Hustler magazine.1970: Killer weed.2000: Weed killer.1970: Hoping for a BMW.2000: Hoping for a BM.1970: The Grateful more...

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Elizabeth!
Elizabeth who?
Elizabeth of knowledge is a dangerous thing!

1970: Long Hair
2000: Longing for hair1970: The perfect high
2000: The perfect high yield mutual fund1970: KEG
2000: EKG1970: Acid Rock
2000: Acid Reflux1970: Moving to California because it's cool
2000: Moving to California because it's warm1970: Growing pot
2000: Growing pot belly1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents
2000: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor
2000: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor1970: Seeds and stems
2000: Roughage1970: Our president's struggle with Fidel
2000: Our president's struggle with fidelity1970: Paar
2000: AARP1970: Killer weed
2000: Weed killer1970: Hoping for a BMW
2000: Hoping for a BM1970: The Grateful Dead
2000: Dr. Kevorkian1970: Getting out to a new, hip joint
2000: Getting a new hip joint1970: Rolling Stones
2000: Kidney stones1970: Being called into the more...

Sister Mary Catherine and Sister Mary Elizabeth are walking through the park together when they are jumped by two thugs. Their habits are ripped from them and the two men start to sexually assault them.Sister Mary Catherine casts her eyes heavenward and cries, "Forgive him Lord, he knows not what he is doing!"Mary Elizabeth turns and says, "Mine does..."

There are four wheels and eight men on a fire engine.Four and eight makes 12.There are 12 inches in a ruler.Queen Elizabeth is a ruler.The Queen Elizabeth was a ship.Ships sail in the sea.The sea has fish.Fish have fins.The Finns are always fighting the Russians.Russians are known as "red".Fire engines are always rushin', and that's why they're red.