Emperor Jokes / Recent Jokes
I have this posted over my desk. I don’t know who the original author is, but I always found this quote remarkable for coming to grips with unjust and nasty criticism:
A courtier told the Emperor Constantine that a mob had broken the head of his statues with stones. The emperor lifted his hands to his head, saying: “It is very surprising, but I don’t feel hurt in the least.”
Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor.This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth.A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai.The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly.WHOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces! The emperor says, "That is very impressive!"Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOSH. WOOOOOOOSH.The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces! The emperor says, "That is really impressive!"Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai.The Jewish more...
There was once a Chinese emperor who had very refined taste buds and would eat only the finest of foods. He employed many people whose jobs involved just traveling the length and breadth of the land to find food of the highest quality for their emperor. It was unfortunate for them, however, that the emperor had peculiar cravings. One day the emperor called in his staff and said, "Well, today I want to eat a one hundred year old egg. This egg must be exactly one hundred years old." Well imagine the commotion in the palace! His staff jumped on their horses and traveled all over, trying to find an egg which was exactly one hundred years old. They looked and looked, and finally returned to the palace and approached the emperor. "Well", said the emperor, "did you find my egg?" One of his servants stepped forward and addressed his majesty. "No sir", he said, "we did not find an egg that was exactly one hundred years old. But we do have one here more...
In her memoirs, Barbara Bush described one of those most embarrassing moments that inevitably occur, even on the most carefully advanced of foreign trips. Along with her husband, then the Vice President, Mrs. Bush was lunching with Emperor Hirohito at Tokyo's Imperial Palace.Sitting next to the Emperor, Mrs. Bush found the conversation an uphill task. To all her efforts at verbal engagement, the Emperor would smile and say "Yes" or "No," with an occasional "Thank You" tossed in for good measure.Looking around her elegant surroundings, she complimented Hirohito on his official residence."Thank you," he said."Is it new?" pressed Mrs. Bush."Yes.""Was the old palace just so old that it was falling down?" asked Mrs. Bush.In his most charming, yet regal, matter, Hirohito replied, "No, I'm afraid that you bombed it."
During the reign of Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, the articles of tribute received by the imperial court included a jar of wine which was supposed to give the drinker eternal life. It so happened that Dongfang Shuo drank a mouthful of it on the sly. The Emperor was so angry when he learnt about this that he wanted to put Dongfang Shuo to death. "The wine I drank, Your Majesty, " pleaded Dongfang Shuo, "was supposed to give me eternal life. I wouldn't die even if Your Majesty put me to death. If I should die, then the wine is not the genuine stuff it was supposed to be." The Emperor was so amused that he pardoned Dongfang Shuo.