Feature Jokes / Recent Jokes

Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 6. 0 to Wife 1. 0 and found
that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other
applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1. 0 also is spawning
Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources.

No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product
brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that
this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that,
Wife 1. 0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system
initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding
that some applications such as PokerNight 10. 3, BeerBash 2. 5, and
PubNight 7. 0 are no longer able to run, crashing the system when selected
(even though they always worked fine before). At installation, Wife 1. 0
automatically installs undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55. 8 more...

Strange...

I've never heard about that.

It did work yesterday.

How is this possible?

The machine seems to have a malfunction.

Has the operating system been updated?

The user has made an error again.

There is something wrong in your data.

I have not touched that module!

You must have the wrong executable.

Oh, it's just a feature.

Of course, I just have to do these small fixes.

It will be done in no time at all.

It's just some unlucky coincidense.

I can't test everything!

THIS can't do THAT.

Didn't I fix it already?

It's already there, but it has not been tested.

Somebody must have changed my code.

There must be a virus in the application software.

This time it will surely run.

I just found the last bug.

Bug? That's not a bug, that's a more...

Discretion advised when upgrading.
Last year, a friend of mine upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular aspect was included in the product brochure or documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and more...

Bill rents an apartment in Chicago, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Bill smiles at the young girl, so she strikes up a conversation with him.
As they talk, her robe slips open, and it's quite obvious that she has nothing on under the robe. Poor Bill breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, he places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go to my apartment. I hear someone coming..."
Bill follows her into the apartment. Once inside, she leans against the wall allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now completely nude, she purrs, "What would you say is my best feature?"
The flustered, embarrassed Bill stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, "Oh, your best feature has to be your ears!"
She's astounded! "Why my ears? Looks at these more...

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.
It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere - even sitting in an armchair by the fire - yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disk.
Here's how it works: each BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. These pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence. By using both sides of each sheet, manufacturers are able to cut costs in half.
Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet. The BOOK may be taken up at any more...

RELATIONSHIPS: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled' All Men Are Idiots' Then she will get on with her life.
A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the breakup, at 3: 00 a. m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say,' I just called to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But, I want you to know that there's always a chance for us.'
This is known as the' I Hate You I Love You' drunken phone call, and 99% of all men have made it at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.
LOCKER ROOMS: In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker: sex. And not in more...

Subject: -What software version are you running?

I`m currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I`ve been having some problems lately.

I`ve been running the same version of Drinking Buddies 1. 0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I`ve tried have always conflicted with it.

I hear that Drinking Buddies won`t crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off.

But I`m embarrassed to say I can`t find the switch to turn the sound off.

I just run them separately, and it works okay.

Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.

I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1. 0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2. 0.

After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with more...