Files Jokes / Recent Jokes

This is deadly serious, so don't ignore it. Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the national system.

Beware of...

THE CLINTON Virus....
(Gives you a 6 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)

THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus...
(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)

THE LEWINSKY virus...
(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it did)

THE RONALD REAGAN virus....
(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)

THE MIKE TYSON virus....
(Quits after two bytes)

THE OPRAH WINFREY virus....
(Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to stabilize around 200mb)

THE JACK KAVORKIAN virus....
(Deletes all old files)

THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus...
(Disks can no longer be inserted)

THE PROZAC virus....
(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor more...

TOP TEN PROPOSED NEW DOMAINSEarlier this week, Gregory Nemitz and a handful of space enthusiasts proposed creating specialdomains, including ". luna" and ". moon," for Web sites based on the moon. He wasn't kidding: And one of our "Ten laws the Net needs" involves a special ". xxx" domain for pornographic sites. But why stop there? Here are some new proposed domains, and what you can expect from the sites in them: 10. ". trek"--contains audio files of William Shatner9. ". bill"--Microsoft has bought this company8. ". love"--for people who would rather cuddle7. ". slow"--based in a distant country with no T3 lines6. ". geek"--assumes you know what all the acronyms mean5. ". 404"--we stopped maintaining our servers in 19964. ". y2k"--contains theories about the end of the world3. ". burn"--huge multimedia files will crash your computer2. ". * "--contains more...

THE CLINTON Virus...(Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory.)
THE BOB DOLE (AKA: VIAGRA) virus...(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)
THE LEWINSKY virus...(Sucks all the memory out of your computer,
then emails your best friends about what it did).
THE RONALD REAGAN virus...(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)
THE MIKE TYSON virus...(Quits after two bytes)
THE OPRAH WINFREY virus... (Your 300 mb hard drive shrinks to 100 mb, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200.)
THE JACK KEVORKIAN virus...(Deletes all old files)
THE PROZAC virus...(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care)
THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus...(Only attacks minor files)
THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus...(Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back) and last but not least...
THE LORENA BOBBITT virus... (Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows)

Make up fake acronyms. On-line veterans like to use abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble opinion) and RTFM (read the f…… manual) to show that they’re “hip” to the lingo. Make up your own that don’t stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse to explain what they stand for (”You don’t know? RDFM”).
WRITE ALL YOUR MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS AND DON’T USE PERIODS OR RETURNS SO THAT EVERYONE HAS TO SCROLL ACROSS THEIR SCREENS TO READ EVERY LINE ALSO USE A LOT OF! !!!!! AND DDOOUUBBLLEESS TO SHOW THAT YOU’RE EXCITED ABOUT BEING HERE!!!!!!!
When replying to your mail, correct everyone’s grammar and spelling and point out their typos, but don’t otherwise respond to the content of their messages. When they respond testily to your ‘creative criticism, ” do it again. Continue until they go away.
Software and files offered on-line are often “compressed” so that it won’t take so long to travel over the phone lines. Buy a more...

John Bobbit Virus-
Removes a vital part of your hard disk and then re-attaches it. (But it will never work again.)
•Oprah Winfrey Virus-
Your 850 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 200 MB, and then slowly expands back to 850 MB.
•Politically Correct Virus-
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
•Right to Life Virus-
Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
•Government Economist Virus-
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
•Federal Bureaucrat Virus-
Divides your hard disk into thousands of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
•AT&T Virus-
Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are more...

John Bobbit Virus-Removes a vital part of your hard disk and then re-attaches it. (But it will never work again.)
Oprah Winfrey Virus-Your 850 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 200 MB, and then slowly expands back to 850 MB.
Politically Correct Virus-Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
Right to Life Virus-Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
Government Economist Virus-Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
Federal Bureaucrat Virus-Divides your hard disk into thousands of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
AT&T Virus-Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI Virus- Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you are more...

Economic computer virusesINTEREST GROUP ECONOMIST VIRUS - Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer. ECONOMETRICIAN VIRUS - Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of POLITICAL THINK TANK ECONOMIST VIRUS - Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until next election. GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS - nothing works on your system, but all your diagnostic software says everything is just fine. MARXIAN ECONOMIST VIRUS - Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to. SOVIET ECONOMIST VIRUS - Crashes your computer, but denies it ever happened. MAINSTREAM ECONOMIST VIRUS - It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases then in "self-defense." CENTRAL BANK ECONOMIST VIRUS - Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. MULTINATIONAL more...