Finding Jokes / Recent Jokes

Girl Lingo: The Franklin Factor: Early to bed and early to rise means it's time to meet more guys. The Rat Race: If there's one rat in a room full of nice men, he'll hit on you first. The Eyeglass Prescription: Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. You'll look better, and he will too. The Ring Rule: A watched telephone never rings. The Creep Call: Never pick up the phone on Saturday night. It's a call from a creep you told you were busy. The Fishing Forecast: They say there are lots of good fish in the sea. But who wants to go out with a fish? The Psychological Prognosis: Love is a form of temporary insanity curable by marriage. The Rope Trick: Give a man enough rope and he'll lasso another woman. Mind Over Matter: No one ever falls in love with another person's mind at a cocktail party. The Fault Finder: The faster way to discover all your bad habits is to move in with your lover. The Unintended Result: 1) Men's desire for sex sometimes results in intimacy; 1a) Men often go more...

A bald headed person entered a barber's shop and enquired:"How much is the hair cut charge?"
"ten rupees", replied the barber.
"Why do you charge so much for cutting just a few hair,"asked the person.
"No sir" replied the barber."The charge is not for cutting them but for finding them".

Girl Lingo:The Franklin Factor: Early to bed and early to rise means it's time to meet more guys.The Rat Race: If there's one rat in a room full of nice men, he'll hit on you first.The Eyeglass Prescription: Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. You'll look better, and he will too.The Ring Rule: A watched telephone never rings.The Creep Call: Never pick up the phone on Saturday night. It's a call from a creep you told you were busy.The Fishing Forecast: They say there are lots of good fish in the sea. But who wants to go out with a fish? The Psychological Prognosis: Love is a form of temporary insanity curable by marriage.The Rope Trick: Give a man enough rope and he'll lasso another woman.Mind Over Matter: No one ever falls in love with another person's mind at a cocktail party.The Fault Finder: The faster way to discover all your bad habits is to move in with your lover.The Unintended Result: 1) Men's desire for sex sometimes results in intimacy; 1a) Men often go looking for sex more...

*Question: What is one horsepower?*Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second. * You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind. * Talc is found on rocks and on babies. * The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down. * When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when theybroke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions. * When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we saythey are orbiting. * Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand. * While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really onlycentrificating. * Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction. * South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage. * Most books now say our more...

Women are under the illusion they don't have to ask men for anything - that if the man really loved her, he would automatically and instinctively know what she needed. Right! As if the dysfunctional drone even knew you were in the room, let alone knew what you were feeling. A woman has a better chance of finding a bathing suit off the rack that fits than finding a man who knows what she is going through. Ironically, however, men like to feel needed - like they're her knight in shining armor. Unfortunately, most turn out to be needy, like her nightmare from The Shining. Therefore, it is important that a woman ask a man directly for what she wants, not indirectly. He is not a mind reader. He doesn't even read a map, how's he going to read a mind?

How To Ask A Man To Do Something

*--------------------------------------*

Always remember these five important rules when asking a man to do something:

1. Make sure the man is conscious.

2. more...

Take all American women who are within five years of
menopause - train us for a few weeks, outfit us with
automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with
SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna -drop us
(parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of
Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally.
Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing
standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is
formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble.
We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to
protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from
our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of
us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with
whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by
lightning.
We have nothing to lose.
We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the
carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms more...

Take all American women who are within five years of menopause. Train
us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas
masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned
tuna - drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of
Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally.
Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard
stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to
make even armed men in turbans tremble.
We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them
and their future.
We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already.
And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man
with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by
lightning. We have nothing to lose.
We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate
diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and more...