Firm Jokes / Recent Jokes

A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.
''Is Mr. Smith there?'', asked the client on the phone.
''I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night,'' the receptionist answered.
''Is Mr. Smith there?'', repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed. ''Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night.''
''Is Mr. Smith there?'', asked the client again.
''Ma'am, do you understand what I'm saying?'', said the exasperated receptionist. ''Mr. Smith is DEAD!''
''I understand you perfectly,'' the client sighed. ''I just can't hear it often enough.''

A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly. "Is Mr. Spenser there?" asked the client on the phone.
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Spenser passed away last night," the receptionist answered. "Can anyone else help you?"
The man paused for a moment, then quietly said 'no' and hung up.
Ten minutes later, he called again and asked for Mr. Spenser, his ex-wife's lawyer.
The receptionist said, "You just called a few minutes ago, didn't you? Mr. Spenser has died. I'm not making this up." The man again hung up.
Fifteen minutes later, he called a third time and asked for Mr. Spenser. The receptionist was irked by this time. "I've told you twice already, Mr. Spenser is dead. He is not here! Why do you keep asking for him when I say he's dead? Don't you understand what I'm saying?"
The man replied, "I understand you perfectly. I just like hearing you more...

BANANA BREAD RECIPE
-------------------
Ingredients:
2 Laughing Eyes
2 Loving Arms
2 Well Shaped Legs
2 Firm Milk Containers
1 Fur Lined Mixing Bowl
1 Large Banana
Method:
1) Look into laughing eyes.
2) Spread well shaped legs slowly.
3) Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently until fur lined mixing
bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger.
4) Add firm banana, gently work in and out until it is well creamed.
5) As heat starts to rise, plunge firm banana deep into fur lined bowl,
cover with nuts, sigh with relief and soak for 10 minutes.
6) Bread is well done when banana becomes soft.
NB:
Be sure to wash mixing utensils.
Do not lick mixing bowl.
If bread starts to rise, leave TOWN.

An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be.

The Japanese team won by a mile. Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of “Executives” was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.

Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering. The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure.

After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that “too more...

Rejection Letter RejectEver wonder what to do when those rejection letters start pilingup? Well here's a suggestion:- - - - - - - - - - - - - Cut Here - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[Date Today]Dear Mr. Kennelly:Thank you for your letter of April 17. After carefulconsideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to acceptyour refusal to offer me employment with your firm. This year Ihave been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually largenumber of rejection letters. With such a varied and promisingfield of candidates it is impossible for me to accept allrefusals.Despite Acme Inc.'s outstanding qualifications and previousexperience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejectiondoes not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I willinitiate employment with your firm immediately followinggraduation. I look forward to seeing you then.Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.Sincerely, [Your name here]

These may sound bad but the moral at the end is a good one...
I was scared at first.
It was very wide, and very long,
and it angled straight up.
I decided I had to try it once.
I slowly and carefully eased myself onto it.
It felt weird at first.
Then I got used to it.
I went up and down, and up and down on it.
I was really loving it.
Now I ride on escalators all the time.
I took my fingers and slowly,
and gently stretched it apart.
It was so pure and white.
I licked it once, twice... I found I couldn't stop.
I licked it faster and faster, and harder.
I began to scrape my teeth against it.
There it was, in my mouth!
All sweet and creamy.
I was done.
And I threw away the outsides of my Oreo cookies.
I squeezed it gently at first,
then a little bit harder.
There seemed to be more and more of it
I moved it towards my lips.
It was a strange and new sensation for me.
I put it in my more...

True story from todays news - worker dead at desk for 5 days! Bosses of a publishing firm are trying to work out why no one noticed that one of their employees had been sitting dead at his desk for FIVE DAYS before anyone asked if he was feeling okay.
George Turklebaum, 51, who had been employed as a proof-reader at a New York firm for 30 years, had a heart attack in the open-plan office he shared with 23 other workers. He quietly passed away on Monday, but nobody noticed until Saturday morning when an office cleaner asked why he was still working during the weekend.
His boss Elliot Wachiaski said: "George was always the first guy in each morning and the last to leave at night, so no one found it unusual that he was in the same position all that time and didn't say anything.
He was always absorbed in his work and kept much to himself."
A post mortem examination revealed that he had been dead for five days after suffering a coronary. And the moral of the more...