Firm Jokes / Recent Jokes

An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be.
The Japanese team won by a mile.
Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of "Executives" was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.
Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering. The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure.
After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that "too more...

Copied from the Houston Chronicle:
Language changes to reflect cultural shifts. And in this period of skill shortages, flexible work arrangements and global business deals, new workplace jargon was bound to pop up. So you're not caught off-guard at the next corporate luncheon when someone refers their employee as a "job vacuum" or "border crosser," here's a handy reference guide courtesy of Challenger, Gray & Christmas, the Chicago outplacement firm.
Job vacuums:
Employees who voluntarily sweep up extra duties; show strong work ethic.
Border Crossers:
Multi-skilled employees who feel comfortable jumping from job to job inside a firm.
Soft benefits:
Nonmonetary enhancements.
People churner:
A bad boss who often is blamed when a company can't retain its key employees.
Protected class:
Rank and file employees with critical job skills.
Boomerang workers:
Retirees returning to their previous more...

Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a phone call. The other three were discussing their children while walking to the first tee.
"My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He`s so successful, in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."
The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "He`s so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift."
The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.
As the fourth man arrives more...

The Indians and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the India team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action. The consultant`s finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the Indian team had one person rowing and eight people steering. After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the Indian team. So as race day neared again the following year, the Indian team`s management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers and a new performance more...

First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing"
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.........
Then he added a mouth, and ruined the whole damn thing!

A junior partner in a firm was sent to a far-away state to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released. Excited about his success, the attorney telegraphed the firm: "Justice prevailed."
The senior partner replied in haste: "Appeal immediately."

One day while walking down the street a highly successful partner in a law firm was fatally stuck by a bus. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was greated at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, oddly enough, we've never once had an law firm partner make it this far and we're not quite sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind... I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the law partner in an express elevator to hell.

The doors more...