Flashlight Jokes / Recent Jokes
There were two blondes sitting on the roof of a house. The ladder they had used to get on the roof fell down onto the ground.
Blonde #1: Go get the ladder!
Blonde #2: No way! If I jump down, I'll kill myself.
Blonde #1: I know! I'll shine my flashlight down to the ground and you can climb down the beam of light.
Blonde #2: No way! You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway down!
Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder. "I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder.""What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light.""What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."
A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar more...
Two Polaks are walking down opposite sides of a river when they notice each other. One invites the other one over. "I can't swim", he replies. "Why don't you come over here?" The other guy says, "I can't swim, either. What are we gonna do?" First guy says, "Wait! I got a flashlight. I'll turn it on, and you walk across the beam to this side." The second guy replies, "No way! I'll get half-way across, and you'll turn the flashlight off!"
Mike's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop.
In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent.
He asks Mike, "Vat sims to be ze problem?"
Mike says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go "tick-tock-tick-tock" anymore.
Now it just goes "tick...tick...tick."
The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather clock.
He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face.
Then he says in a menacing voice...
Ve haf vays of making you tock!"
Mike's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop. In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent.He asks Mike, "Vat sims to be ze problem?" Mike says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go "tick-tock-tick-tock" anymore.Now it just goes "tick...tick...tick."The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather clock.He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face.Then he says in a menacing voice...Ve haf vays of making you tock!"