Flashlight Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

I like to bring a flashlight to the movies and just have all the rows move down for no reason.

Harvey's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop.

In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Harvey, "Vat sims to be ze problem?"
Harvey says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go' tick-tock-tick-tock' anymore. Now it just goes' tick... tick... tick.'"
The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the the grandfather clock. He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face.
Then he says in a menacing voice, "Ve haf vays of making you tock!"

Two Polaks are walking down opposite sides of a river when they notice each other. One invites the other one over. "I can't swim", he replies. "Why don't you come over here?"
The other guy says, "I can't swim, either. What are we gonna do?"
First guy says, "Wait! I got a flashlight. I'll turn it on, and you walk across the beam to this side."
The second guy replies, "No way! I'll get half-way across, and you'll turn the flashlight off!"

Two Polaks are walking down opposite sides of a river when they notice each other. One invites the other one over. "I can't swim", he replies. "Why don't you come over here?"The other guy says, "I can't swim, either. What are we gonna do?"First guy says, "Wait! I got a flashlight. I'll turn it on, and you walk across the beam to this side."The second guy replies, "No way! I'll get half-way across, and you'll turn the flashlight off!"

A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. "Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."

There was a Blond and a Brunette on an airplane.
All of a sudden the engine blew and they started to crash!
There was only one parachute and a flashlight.
The Brunette grabbed the parachute and the flashlight and said to the blond, "Ok, This is a magic flashlight, I will shine it on the ground and you can slide down the beam of light! Then I will follow you with the parachute."
The blond looked at her sceptically and said, "Do you think I am that dumb? I know when I am halfway down you're gonna turn it off!"