Floppy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Be on the lookout for the following viruses
CLINTON VIRUS
Gives you a 7 inch Hard Drive with NO memory
VIAGRA VIRUS
Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy
LEWINSKY VIRUS
Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did
RONALD REAGAN VIRUS
Saves your data but forgets where it is stored
MIKE TYSON VIRUS
Quits after two bytes
OPRA WINFREY VIRUS
Your 300MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100MB, then slowly expands to 200MB
DR. JACK KEVORKIAN VIRUS
Deletes all old files
ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS
Disks can no longer be inserted
TITANIC VIRUS(A strain of Lewinsky virus)
Your whole computer goes down
DISNEY VIRUS
Everything in your computer goes Goofy
PROZAC VIRUS
Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care
JOEY BUTTAFUOCO VIRUS
Only attacks minor files
LORENA BOBBIT VIRUS
Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it - through more...

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report! If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking icons put your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted' cause the index doesn't hash, Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash! If the label on your cable on the gable at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall. And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,' Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang! When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, And the microcode instructions cause more...

What if Dr. Seuss was a technical writer? Here are several examples of what he may write to help you resolve your computer problems. If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report! If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted' cause the index doesn't hash, Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash! If the above doesn't help with your computer troubles, perhaps this will. If the label on the cable on the table at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall. And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, Then you more...

a.. THE CLINTON Virus.... (Gives you a 7 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)
b.. THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus... (Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)
c.. THE LEWINSKY virus... (Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails everyone about what it did)
d.. THE RONALD REAGAN virus.... (Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)
e.. THE MIKE TYSON virus.... (Quits after two bytes)
f.. THE OPRAH WINFREY virus.... (Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to stabilize around 200mb)
g.. THE JACK KAVORKIAN virus.... (Deletes all old files)
h.. THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus...(Disks can no longer be inserted)
i.. THE PROZAC virus.... (Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care)
j.. THE WOODY ALLEN virus... (Only attacks minor files)
k.. THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus (Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back)
l.. THE LORENA BOBBITT virus... (Reformats your hard drive into a 3. more...

ORIGAMI
Art of paper folding. In order to obtain a nice and effectiveness result, put the floppy in the disk drive after folding it several times in different directions. With a little luck, you should be able to get it jammed. Now, ask yourself. How can your disk get damaged if you can't even get it out of the drive?
SMOKE
Use cigarettes or anything that could be burnt. When you are smoking, blow directly to your disk. In that way, you will be able to destroy it soon, and if you are lucky, damage the drive as well.
PIRANHAS
If you don't have any at home, you can use a stapler, a clip, or simply write down on the disk label with a hard point pencil or pen. This wonderful method of "caring" for disks also often gives you a pretty bite-like design on the remaining pieces of the disk.
MAGNETS
They are wonderful. You can find them in the telephone, in some paper weights, and stuck on the frige door. If you can't find any, you can leave the floppies on more...

ORIGAMIArt of paper folding. In order to obtain a nice and effectiveness result, put the floppy in the disk drive after folding it several times in different directions. With a little luck, you should be able to get it jammed. Now, ask yourself. How can your disk get damaged if you can't even get it out of the drive? SMOKEUse cigarettes or anything that could be burnt. When you are smoking, blow directly to your disk. In that way, you will be able to destroy it soon, and if you are lucky, damage the drive as well.PIRANHASIf you don't have any at home, you can use a stapler, a clip, or simply write down on the disk label with a hard point pencil or pen. This wonderful method of "caring" for disks also often gives you a pretty bite-like design on the remaining pieces of the disk.MAGNETSThey are wonderful. You can find them in the telephone, in some paper weights, and stuck on the frige door. If you can't find any, you can leave the floppies on the printer or on your display more...

The following information, from credible sources, is intelligence on
the latest viruses sweeping across the information superhighways in
2002. Take extreme caution and be on high virus alert at all times!
The George W. Bush Virus
Causes your computer to think it won the election even though the
motherboard and fatherboard bought it.
The Al Gore Virus
Causes your computer to just keep counting.
The Clinton Virus
Gives you a 7-Inch hard drive with no memory.
The Bob Dole (Aka: Viagra) Virus
Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.
The Lewinsky Virus
Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails your best
friends about what it did.
The Ronald Reagan Virus
Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
The Jesse Jackson Virus
Warns you constantly about illegitimate file reproduction, while
illegitimately reproducing files in the background and rhyming it all.
The Mike Tyson Virus
Quits after more...