Florida Jokes / Recent Jokes

Immigration opponents plea for help from the Bush administration, saying Cuba's "Ernesto" will take work away from honest, hard-working American Tornados.

President Bush will grant temporary status, saying this storm will do the work American-named storms refuse to do, like ensuring there will never be a sequel to Miami Vice. Ever.

A man in Florida drank a Diet Pepsi,that shockingly had a frog inside.
When asked to comment,Pepsi claimed that it was simply experimenting
with adding hops to the cola formula.

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents: I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response. .. click.
A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state."
I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from more...

The Mark Foley scandal has entered a new phase. Foley has claimed his alcoholism and being molested as a teenager caused him to send sexually explicit emails to underage male Congressional pages. Mr. Foley's lawyer has just released a new list of causes for his client's pervy ways:
• Lactose Intolerance
• Vertigo
• Flat Feet
• Sleep Apnea
• Peanut Allergy
• Body Image Issues
• Epstein-Barr Syndrome
• Astigmatism
• Less Than Perfect Credit
• Toothache
• Toxic Mold
• Dyslexia
• 9/11
Stay tuned for more late-breaking developments and excuses in this case.

WASHINGTON D.C. - Following an emergency meeting Wednesday morning, Congress unanimously voted to excise Florida from the United States of America.
The move was a reaction to the confusion and irregularities in the state's voting numbers that have totally disrupted the 2000 Presidential election.
"This is the last straw," said Utah senator Orin Hatch. "First Elian Gonzales, now this."
Several congressmen told reporters the decision has been a long time in coming.
"We're all pretty much sick of Florida," said representative Barney Frank. "They've been a constant embarrassment for too long now." Added Frank, "They had Dan Marino for a while, but what have they done lately? Oh that's right, screw up our entire democracy. I forgot."
In a speech on the Senate floor, Massachusetts senator Ted Kennedy commented that the loss of Florida's sizable elderly population will free up billions of dollars in social security funds. more...

Maggie and sarah(two blondes)were driving to Florida, they saw a sign that said "Florida Left" so the two blondes went back home.

These are actual sports quotes said by various people throughout the world.Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye."New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first." And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too." Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in more...