Florida Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman went to a Florida lemon grove to apply for a job, but the foreman thought she seemed way too qualified for the position. "Do you even have any actual experience picking lemons?" he asked."Well, I think I do." she replied. "I`ve been divorced three times."
Recently, an 81-year-old Florida man was stung in the heart by a stingray that leapt onto his boat. The attack was eerily reminiscent of the death of the Crocodile Hunter.
"The whole Steve Irwin thing was a public relations coup for our species," said a spokes-ray. "We're just taking advantage of the sudden buzz."
Did you hear that they have removed Al Gore`s name from consideration for the University of Alabama Head Coaching job? He can`t win in Tennessee, either!
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly... and for the same reason.
Al Gore`s Biography: "Bad Timing: A Presidential Obsession"
Gore, Nader, and Bush went on a boat trip. During their trip, the boat began to sink. As there were three of them, and only one life vest, they decided to vote on who would get it. They passed a hat around, then counted the ballots. Bush got one vote. Nader got one vote. Gore got seven votes.
"What`s the difference between Al Gore and a puppy? After three weeks, a puppy opens its eyes and stops whining."
"Why hasn`t Bush commented on the rulings? He said he didn`t think the judges were ready because he saw them in their robes this morning."
"What`s the difference between Al Gore`s inauguration and more...
A Florida couple has been arrested for trying to hire a hit man to kill four people, including their three grandchildren, to prevent them from testifying against their son at his rape trial. As they were being led away in handcuffs, the wife was overheard berating the husband about his decision to use craigslist to find the hit man.
The other day I went to the local religious book store, where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at the light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must REALLY love the Lord because pretty soon, he leaned out his window and yelled, "Jesus Christ!" as loud as he could. It was like a football game with him shouting, "GO JESUS CHRIST, GO!"Everyone else started honking, too, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all of those loving people. There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach, and saw him waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up more...
BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME IN HANDY
A repeat offender got a life sentence for a small-time shoplifting caper in Jupiter, Florida. The man stole $49.73 worth of boxer shorts, panties, a sports bra and some cigarette lighters from a Wal-Mart store. His fatal mistake was flashing a knife at a security guard - which turned his petty theft into a felony. Since the man had been released from prison less than three years ago, Florida's repeat offender law required the judge to send him away for life without the possibility of parole.
INSULT TO INJURY
An unemployed sanitation worker in Miami is also facing life in prison - for shooting himself in the privates. In a drunken stupor, the man reached for a pistol he had hidden in his pants. The gun went off, and the bullet struck the man in the... nuggets. At first, he told officers someone else had shot him, but changed his story after paramedics found the shell casing in his underwear. Cops ruled the shooting more...
There once was two Blondes on a date at the beach in California. it was evening and they were looking at the moon. the girl wondered "Whats closer...the moon or Florida."
The boy replied... "Well, can you see Florida?"