Fly Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. BadAir: When you just can’t wait for the world to come to you.
2. BadAir: We’re Amtrak with wings.
3. Join our frequent near-miss program.
4. On flights, every section is a smoking section.
5. Ask about our out-of-court settlements.
6. Our staff has had lots of experience counseling next-of-kin.
7. Are our jet engines too noisy? Don’t worry. We’ll turn them off.
8. Complimentary champagne during free-fall.
9. Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.
10. The kids will love our inflatable slides.
11. If you think it’s so easy, get your own plane!
12. Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?
13. Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose.
14. BadAir: We may be landing on your street.
15. BadAir: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.
16. Bring a bathing suit.
17. Some airlines are content to fly thousands of feet over landmarks. We try to get as close as more...

A professional wrestler went to a flight school insisting he wanted to learn to fly that day. As all
the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct him on how to pilot the helicopter
solo by radio.
He took him out, showed him how to start it and gave him the basics, and sent him on him way.
After he climbed 1000 feet, he radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and
I'm starting to get the hang of this."
After 2000 feet, he radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched him
climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that he hadn't radioed in.
A few minutes later, he watched in horror as he crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and
pulled him from the wreckage.
When he asked what happened, he said: "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher,
I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off more...

The setting is a quiet and serene country stream weaving through the gentle hills of a grassy plain. All is quiet and still, and, lo, a small fly hovers a few inches above the quiet waters of the stream.

Beneath the water floats a small fish. The fish thinks to itself, if that fly just drops two inches, I will be able to jump out of the water and catch it.

Now, standing on the bank of the stream lurks a bear. The bear looks at the scene and thinks to itself, if that fly drops just two inches, then the fish will jump out of the water to catch it, and I will be able to dash into the stream and snap up the fish in my mouth.

Crouching nearby the stream, in the tall grass, waits a hunter. The hunter looks at the scene and thinks to himself, if that fly drops just two inches, then the fish will spring out of the water to catch it, then bear will dash out into the river, and I'll get a clear shot at the bear.

Sitting at the entrance to its hole, is more...

There was this fish, and this fish was watching a fly, the fish wanted the fly to drop six inches so he could jump and eat it.
There was a bear on the shore, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump and the bear could swipe the fish for lunch.
There was a hunter in the woods, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would swipe and the fish and come out into plain view.
There was a mouse eyeing the hunters sandwhich, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would move into plain view, the hunter would shoot the bear then the hunter would go get the bear and the mouse could get the sandwhich.
There was a cat waiting for the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would move into plain view, the hunter would shoot the bear and for the mouse to go for the sandwhich.
So the fly drops six inches, the fish jumps in the air, the bear catches the fish, the hunter shoots the more...

There was a fly flying 6 inches above a lake. A fish in the lake thinks, "If that fy dropped 6 inches I'd get it!!!" A bear on land thinks, "If that fly dropped 6 inches, the fish would jump out of the water, and I'd get it!" A hunter thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear will go to get the fish, and I'll shoot the bear" A mouse thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear would go to get the fish, the hunter will go to get the bear, and I'll steal the cheese off his sandwich!" A cat thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear would go to get the fish, the hunter will go to get the bear, the mouse will go get the cheese, and I'll get that mouse!!!" Suddenly it all happened,
The fly dropped 6 inches, the fish got the fly, the bear get the fish, the hunter got the bear, the mouse got the hunter's cheese, but the cat missed the mouse and fell in the water!!!!! more...

A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics and sent her on her way.

After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this." After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly.

The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in. A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.

When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan."

Q. How do you circumcise a redneck??
A. Punch his sister in the jaw!!
Q. What do you call a fly with no wings??
A. A walk!!
Q. What's brown and sticky??
A. A stick!!
Q. Why did the cow roll down the hill??
A. Because it had no legs!!
Q. Why did the fly drown??
A. It couldn't swim!!
Q. Why did the boy fall off his bike??
A. Because someone threw a fridge at him!!
Q. Why did the boy fall off the swing??
A. He had no arms!!
Q. What do you call a man with no legs??
A. Stumpy!!
Q. What do you call him in the leaves??
A. Russel!!
Q. What do you call him in the pool??
A. Bob!!
Q. What do you call him in the rabbit hole??
A. Warren!!
Q. What do you call him with a bird on his head??
A. Cliff!!
Q. What do you call him with a shovel??
A. Doug!!
Q. What do you call him without a shovel??
A. Douglas!!