Fookin Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Bloke in Australia walks up to the bar with a big ostrich behind him, and as he sits, a small cat jumps up on the stool beside him. The barman comes over, regarding the trio with some curiosity, and says, "What'll it be?" The man says, "I'll have a pint", and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have a pint as well", says the ostrich. Bloke looks at the cat, and says "I suppose you want a drink too."

The cat replies, "I'll have a half, but I ain't fookin' payin'!"

So the barman pulls two and a half pints, and says "That'll be three pounds forty, please." The man reaches into his pocket, feels around, and, to the barman's surprise, pulls out exactly the three-forty in change. A while later, the same thing happens, and the man pulls the exact amount out of the same pocket.

The next day, the man, the ostrich, and the cat return to the same bar. "I'll have a more...

Mick appeared on the Irish version of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and towards the end of the programme had already won $500, 000.

"You've done very well so far," said the show's presenter, "but for $1 million you've only got one lifeline left - phone a friend.

Everything is riding on this question...... will you go for it?" "Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!" "OK.

The question is: which of the following birds does NOT build it's own nest?
(a) Robin, (b) Sparrow, (c) cuckoo, or (d) thrush."

"I haven't got a clue," said Mick, "so I'll use my last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Ballygoon." Mick called up his mate, told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him. "Fookin' ell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple...... it's a cuckoo." "Are you sure, Paddy?" asked Mick. "I'm fookin more...