Fork Jokes / Recent Jokes
At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything. When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: Is this pig? Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: Which end of the fork are you referring to?
3 bums were outside a bar. The first one went in and asked for a fork. The second one went in and also asked for a fork. Then the third one went in and wanted a straw.
At this point, the bartender became curious. “How come all your friends want forks and you want a straw? ” “Well, ” the bum said, “the dog threw up and the chunks are all gone. ”
There was a widow and widower living next to each other. They had been neighbors for over 30 years, but each had lost their spouse not too long ago.
Over a number of weeks, they had become close. One day, the man asked the woman if she enjoyed fishing.
Yes, she replied, she used to enjoy fishing with her late husband. The man agreed to pick her up at 6 a.m. the next morning. They went down to the river at the time they decided the next day, and began fishing.
After a while, the man began to move the boat upstream. They came to a fork in the river and the man asked the woman, "Up or down." Being nice, he wanted to let her decide.
The woman looked around, promptly took off all her clothes and jumped on the old man. They had passionate sex. After a while, they redressed and resumed fishing.
Later in the day, they came to another fork in the river. Again, the man asked, "Up or down," and once again the woman stripped and another round of passionate more...
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die." The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through. The Englishman says, "a pistol for me please." The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out. The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, "My God, more...
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to theblind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind, and can't read themenu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previouscustomer, I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirtydish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns tothe blind man's table and hands it to him. The blindman puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deepbreath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf andmashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walkstowards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner'swife and he tells her what had just happened. The blindman eats his meal and leaves. Several days later the blind man returns and the ownermistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man.""I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you adirty fork." The owner again more...
Three men got shipwreck on an island. A native tribe that lived on the island said" You have come on our property and must now die.""You will choose a weapon, kill yourself, and we will build a boat out of your skin." The first guy chooses a knife and stabs himself in the heart. The second guy chooses a gun and shoots himself. The third guy asks for a fork. The tribe gives him a fork and the guy stabs himself all over. Then he says" Forget your boat you fuckin @ssholes!