Fortunes Jokes

My friend Liz, her two kids (Kelli, age four and Emily, age two), and I often go out to eat at the two Chinese Restaurants in town. Liz and I always get a laugh at Emily's fortunes because they are always meant for adults. For example, here are two of the fortunes that Emily got: You are the star in the sky of someone's romantic eye. (or something like that) A magical evening awaits you. Once I got a fortune with a typo. It read: You will step on the soil of amny countries. (instead of many).

The Top 16 Worst Fortune Cookie Fortunes

16'What, 3 servings of Moo Shoo Pork weren't enough for you, tubby?'

15'Your fullness will be short-lived. Like an hour, tops.'

14'Put all your money and jewelry in the egg roll and nobody gets hurt.'

13'It takes a tough man to make tender chicken from a cat.'

12'You will meet a tall, dark man, not a stranger, who will kill you. He will kill Ron also.'

11'This coupon good for free 1-year subscription to Windows Sources magazine.'

10'Today's dog in alley is tomorrow's moo goo gai pan.'

9'Spouse mad at you. No get special' wonton pork' tonight, Chester.'

8'Patron who mocks waiter's accent will unwittingly consume chef's bodily fluids.'

7'A wise man tips 20% to avoid severe tire damage.'

6'An 87 year old hooker awaits you. Alright, let's see you add' ...between the sheets' to that one, smart guy.'

5'Man who look to more...