Fourth Jokes / Recent Jokes
Flugg's Law: When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
Fourth Law of Applied Terror: The night before the English History mid-term, your Biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria. Corollary: Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course.
Fourth Law of Revision: It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences; if you have none, someone will make one for you.
Franklin's Rule: Blessed is the end user who expects nothing, for he/she will not be disappointed.
Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's theorem: Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's Theorem. To wit: 1. Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win. 2. Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even. 3. Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the more...
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself,' I'd give anything to sink this next putt.'
A stranger walks up to him and whispers,' Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?'
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless, but also that perhaps this is a good omen, so he says,' Okay,' and sinks the putt. Two holes later he mumbles to himself,' Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole.'
The same stranger moves to his side and says,' Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?'
The golfer shrugs and says,' Sure.' He makes an eagle. On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win.
Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says,' Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?'
The golfer says,' Certainly!' He makes the eagle.
As the golfer more...
Glib's Fourth Law of Unreliability: Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work done.
As part of the Olympic bombing investigation, the FBI has assembled over 4, 600 photographs taken at Centennial Park. Amazingly, all of them show OJ Simpson wearing Bruno Magli shoes.
The US Postal Service has introduced the first triangular stamps. They look nice, but... well... I'm just worried about those postal workers who... how can I say this, don't react to change very well. (Daily Scoop) In an unfortunate side effect, letters with the stamp addressed to the Bermuda triangle mysteriously disappear.
The New England Journal of Medicine said that President Clinton's opposition to the medical use of marijuana is misguided, heavy handed and inhumane, not to mention it's a major buzzkill.
The House of Representatives held a hearing on cloning this week. You have to picture this - 400 white guys in blue suits and red ties announced that they want to ban cloning.
New York has introduced a bill to ban cloning of humans. 49 other states introduced bills to ban cloning more...
A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself.
The main replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said "The Gold Dust Twins are coming," and I had to smile.
"Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Sloan's Liniment will reduce the swelling" and I had to grin.
"Then she placed herself under a sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick" and I could hardly control myself.
"BUT...when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that more...
Four married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued:
First Guy: "Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."
Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."
Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."
They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"
Fourth Guy: "I don't want to talk about it. Let's just say that the foundation for the new house is being poured next Tuesday."
Tim Shandy stepped into the Warm Spoon, a popular Galway tavern. To Mike Callahan, the barkeep, Shandy said "Mike, I'll be havin'three whiskeys." Callahan set up three glasses and began to pour. "Now, Timothy, it's not the usual thing for you to ask for three whiskeys. It'scelebratin', you are." Ahh, ye know me too well, Micheal, ye do. Truth, and I'm celebratingme first blow job." Callahan smiled benevolently and set a fourth glass on the bar." Now, that's special," he said. "For an old customer like y'rself, here's a fourth on the house, so I may be sharin' your celebrationwith you." Shandy shook his head, and replied "'Tis verra kind of ye, Micheal, but I'm thinkin' if three won't get rid of the taste, four won'teither."