Freezes Jokes / Recent Jokes

Temperatures and What They Mean 40 Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming. 35 Italian cars don't start. 32 Water freezes. 30 You can see your breath. Politicians begin to worry about the Homeless. 25 Boston water freezes. Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you. 20 Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream. You can hear your breath. 15 N. Y. City water freezes. Politicians begin to talk aobut the homeless. 12 You plan a vacation to Mexico. 10 Too cold to snow 5 You need jumper cables to get the car going. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you. 3 You plan a vacation in Houston. 0 Too cold to skate. American cars don't start. -5 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. -10 Too cold to think. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. -15 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. You need jumper cables to get the driver going. -20 You plan a 2-week hot bath. -25 The mighty Monongahela freezes. Japanese cars more...

50° Fahrenheit (10° C) Californians shiver uncontrollably. Canadians plant gardens.
35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C) - Italian Cars won't start. Canadians drive withthe windows down.
32° Fahrenheit (0 ° C) American water freezes. Canadian water gets thicker.
0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C) New York City landlords finally turn on the heat. Canadians have the last cookout of the season
-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C) Mt. St. Helens freezes. Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.
-100° Fahrenheit (-73° C) Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Canadianspull down their ear flaps.
-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C) Ethyl alcohol Freezes. Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.
-460° Fahrenheit (-273° C) Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops. Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"
-500° Fahrenhei t (-295° C) Hell freezes over. The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.

THESE ARE ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS: Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards. The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars. The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now. To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation. A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat. The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours. The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs. To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male wears a condominium. To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know more...

+50 degrees Fahrenheit
* New York tenants try to turn on the heat
* People from Ontario plant gardens+40
* Californians shiver uncontrollably
* Albertans sunbathe+35
* Italian cars don't start+32
* Distilled water freezes+30
* You can see your breath
* You plan a vacation in Florida
* Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
* Manitobans eat ice cream+25
* Lake Ontario water freezes
* Californians weep pitiably
* Cat insists on sleeping on your bed+20
* New York water freezes
* San Franciscans start thinking favourably of L.A.
* Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts+15
* You plan a vacation in Acapulco
* Cat insists on sleeping IN your bed with you
* B.C. residents go swimming+10
* Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
* Too cold to snow
* You need jumper cables to get the car going0
* New York landlords turn on the heat
* Newfoundlanders grill hot dogs more...

50°F10°CNew Yorkers turn on the heat. Canadians plant gardens.
40°F4°CCalifornians shiver uncontrollably. Canadians sunbathe.
35°F2°CItalian cars won't start. Canadians drive with the windows down.
32°F0°CDistilled water freezes. Canadian water gets thicker.
20°F-7°CFloridians wear coats, gloves & wool hats. Canadians throw on a T-shirt.
15°F-9°CCalifornians begin to evacuate the state. Canadians go swimming.
0°F-18°CNew York landlords finally turn up the heat. Canadians have the last cookout before it gets cold.
-10°F-23°CPeople in Miami cease to exist. Canadians lick flagpoles.
-20°F-29°CCalifornians fly away to Mexico. Canadians throw on a lightweight jacket.
-40°F-40°CHollywood disintegrates. Canadians rent videos.
-60°F-51°CMt. St. Helen's freezes. Canadian Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
-80°F-62°CPolar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Canadian Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" more...

60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one) 50 Miami residents turn on the heat 40 You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming 35 Italian cars don't start 32 Water freezes 30 You plan your vacation to Australia 25 Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming 20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further South 15 French cars don't start, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you 10 You need jumper cables to get the car going 5 American cars don't start 0 Alaskans put on T-shirts -10 German cars don't start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink -15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist -20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you, Politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese more...