Fuel Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mission to Mars
(Space Shuttle with two trained monkeys and a blonde astronaut)
The Mission Control Room in the US calls the Space Shuttle.
"Monkey 1, Monkey 1, report to communications for instructions."
The trained monkey sits down and he is told to release the pressure in compartment 1, increase the temperature in engine 4 and to release oxygen to the reactors.
So the monkey does the pressure, temperature, and releases the oxygen.
A few moments later, headquarters calls again: "Monkey 2, Monkey 2,
report to communications for instructions."
Monkey 2 sits down and he is told to add Carbon Dioxide to room 4, to stop the fuel injection to engine 3, to add nitrogen to the fuel compartment and to analyze the solar radiation.
Monkey 2 does the carbon dioxide, the fuel injection, the nitrogen and the analysis of solar radiation.
A little later on, headquarters calls again: "Female Astronaut 1, please report to communications more...

A couple of drinking buddies, who were airplane mechanics, were in the hanger at Mascot in Sydney. It was fogged in and they had nothing to do. One said to the other,' Man, have you got anything to drink?'

'Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel and that'll kinda give you a buzz.' So, Bill and Bob drank jet fuel, get smashed and had a great time. The following morning, Bill woke up and figured his head would probably start pounding as soon as he stood up. But it didn't. He felt good. In fact, he felt great - no hangover! Bill's phone rang, it was Bob. Bob asked,' Hey, how do you feel?'

'I feel great!' replied Bill.' I feel great too! You don't have a hangover?'

'No. That jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover. We ought to do this more often!'

'Yeah, we could, but there's just one thing...'

'What's that?'' Did you fart yet?'

'What?'

'Did you fart yet?'

'No...'

'Well, don't, because I'm in more...

there are three men in a plane, an australian, a japanense and an american, the plane is rapidly runing out of fuel, the pilot turns on the autopilot and leaves the cockpit too tell the men something, the pilot says
"look guys the plane is running out of fuel, you will need to drop something out the window.
The japanese throws out a samuri sword, the ausralian throws a baby wallaby and the american throws a greande.
The next day, the australian arrives home to his father crying, the man says
"whats the matter dad"
his father replies
"yesterday i found your baby wallaby splattered all over the back yard"
The japanese got home to his father crying aswell so he says
"whats wrong dad" his father replies
"yesterday a sword fell out of the sky and killed your mother"
The american got home to his father laughing his head off so he says
"whats so funny dad" the father replies
"yesterday more...

In rural Carbon County, PA, a group of men were drinking beer and discharging firearms from the rear deck of a home owned by Irving Michaels, age 27. The men were firing at a raccoon that was wandering by, but the beer apparently impaired their aim and, despite of the estimated 35 shots the group fired, the animal escaped into a 3 foot diameter drainage pipe some 100 feet away from Mr. Michaels' deck.

Determined to terminate the animal, Mr. Michaels retrieved a can of gasoline and poured some down the pipe, intending to smoke the animal out. After several unsuccessful attempts to ignite the fuel, Michaels emptied the entire 5 gallon fuel can down the pipe and tried to ignite it again, to no avail. Not one to admit defeat by wildlife, the determined Mr. Michaels proceeded to slide feet-first approximately 15 feet down the sloping pipe to toss the match.

The subsequent rapidly expanding fireball propelled Mr. Michaels back the way he had come, though at a much more...

One day two drinking buddies Jim and David were working on aircraft at JFK airport in NYC. They got fogged in and finished up their work early and were sitting around bored. Jim spoke up "Man I really need a drink!" in response David replied, "You know I heard a rumor you could drink jet fuel and get drunk." "Really?" said Jim "That's what I heard man. Do you wanna try it?" Said David "Sure, hell I'll try anything once!" Said Jim. SO with that they poured themselves a couple of glasses and began drinking the jet fuel. They sipped a little bit to find it actually tasted quiet good. so they drank more and more and sure enough they got stoned drunk. The next morning Jim awoke feeling like a million bucks he jumped up wet to the bathroom feeling great like he was floating on air he hadn't felt this good in years. "Wow!!" He said. About that time his telephone rang. "Hello?" Jim Said "Hello Jim? Came the reply more...