Fuel Jokes / Recent Jokes

PILOT: “Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel. ”
TOWER: “Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!! ”
PILOT: “Uh…tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is. ”

Cessna pilot: "Tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.

Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!
Do you have the airfield in sight?"

Cessna: "Uh... tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."

LH741:"Tower, give me a rough timecheck!"
Tower: "It's tuesday, Sir."

Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what??
Pilot: Yes, SIR!

Tower: Shamu Two Two, please state estimated time of arrival.
Pilot: Ok, let's see..., I think Tuesday would be nice...

Pilot: "Bratislava Tower, this is Oscar Oscar Kilo estabished ILS16."
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, Guten Tag, cleared to land 16, wind calm and by the way: this is Wien Tower."
Pilot: (short break) "Bratislava Tower, Oscar Oscar Kilo passed the outer marker."
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo roger, and once more: you are approaching Vienna!"
Pilot: (short break again) "Confirm, this is NOT Bratislava?"
Tower: "You can believe me, this is Vienna!
Pilot: (once again short break) "But why? We want to go to Bratislava, not to Vienna!"
Tower: "Oscar more...

A young boy was in math class, watching a movie about how when we studied math, it was like we were burning it for fuel. The next day the boy came in and sat down. The teacher asked "Where is your math book?" and the boy said "The movie talked about burning math for fuel, and so I burned my math!

A couple of airplane mechanics, drinking buddies, are in a Newark hangar where the runway is fogged in and they have nothing to do.
"Geez, I sure wish we had something to drink," Jim says.
"Me too," says Bob. "You know, I hear you can drink jet fuel and get a real buzz. Let's give it a try."
So they proceed to drink jet fuel, get smashed, and have a beautiful time as only drinkin' buddies can.
The following morning, Jim expects his head to explode when he gets up, but is pleasantly surprised that he has no hangover at all. Then the phone rings and it's Bob asking Jim how he feels.
"I feel great," Jim says. "No hangover at all! How about you?"
"I feel great too," replies Bob.
"That jet fuel is great stuff and no hangover," says Jim. "We ought to do this more often."
"Yeah, well there is one thing." Bob replies. "Have you farted yet?"
"No, more...

A couple of maintenance men are working around launch pad of the space shuttle
one day, when one of them notices some fuel leaking from one of the fuel
lines. They call mission control, who instructs them to try and contain the
fuel till they can figure out what to do about it.
They start collecting it into buckets, cans, jars, whatever they can find
around. After several hours (it takes mission control a long time to figure
out how to stop these things) one of them decides to take a taste of it.
Jim: "Hey, Joe! Take a taste of this stuff. It ain't half-bad."
Joe: "Are you crazy?"
Jim: "No, really. It's kinda like vodka or something."
Joe: "You're right! This is pretty good!"
Jim: "Yea! And I think I'm getting a good buzz off it too."
So Jim and Joe continue to drink their new-found drink and mop-up the rest of
the spilt fuel, though by now they're not really minding the work. The more...

Darwin award is an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by
killing/injuring themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. This year winner was one of the
few Darwin Award nominees to survive his award-winning accomplishment.
In rural Carbon County, PA, a group of men were drinking beer and discharging firearms from the rear
deck of a home owned by Irving Michaels, age 27. The men were firing at a raccoon that was wandering
by, but the beer apparently impaired their aim and, despite of the estimated 35 shots the group
fired, the animal escaped into a 3 foot diameter drainage pipe some 100 feet away from Mr. Michaels'
deck.
Determined to terminate the animal, Mr. Michaels retrieved a can of gasoline and poured some down the
pipe, intending to smoke the animal out. After several unsuccessful attempts to ignite the fuel,
Michaels emptied the entire 5 gallon fuel can down the pipe and tried to more...