Fuel Jokes / Recent Jokes

A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until AFTER that year instead of before it.
Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
Occasionally your car would just die for no reason. You'd have to restart it, and for some strange reason, you'd just accept this.
You could only have one person at a time in your car, unless you bought the Car 95 or Car NT Version, but then you'd have to buy more seats.
You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car. Wait a sec, it's that way NOW.
Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was solar powered, twice as reliable, five times as fast, but only run on 5% of the roads.
The oil, alternator, fuel, temperature, engine warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they have been available in other brands for years.
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Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud says, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says, "Me too. Y''know, I''ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?" So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings... It''s Jim.

Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?" Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?" Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don''t have a hangover?" Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often." "Yeah, well there''s just one thing..." "What''s more...

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"
Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.
The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects, nothing!
Then the phone rings... It's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"
Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."
"Yeah, well there's just one thing..."
"What's more...

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"
Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.
The next morning, Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact, he feels GREAT! No hangover! NO bad side effects, Nothing!
Then the phone rings...It's Jim.
Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"
Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover - nothing."
"We ought to do this more often."
"Yeah, well, there's just one more...

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.The next morning, Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact, he feels GREAT! No hangover! NO bad side effects, Nothing! Then the phone rings...It's Jim.Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover - nothing.""We ought to do this more often.""Yeah, well, there's just one thing....""What's that?""Have you farted more...

Bill and Hillary were out for a drive in the country near Hillary's hometown, when they started to get low on fuel. Bill pulled into a gas station to get a fill-up. The gas attendant came out and started to pump the fuel, when he noticed the person in the passenger's seat.
"Hi, Hillary, remember me? We used to date in high school," he said to her. They chatted for a few minutes, Bill paid the bill and they drove off.
As they continued driving, Bill looked over at Hillary and smugly said, "You really used to date that guy? Imagine what it would be like if you had married him."
Hillary looked over at Bill, shrugged, and replied, "Well, I guess you would be pumping gas and he would be the President!"

PILOT: …. Tower, please call me a fuel truck.
TOWER: Roger. You are a fuel truck.