Fun List Jokes / Recent Jokes
10. Your annual breast exam is conducted at Hooters.
9. Directions to your doctor's office include, "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."
8. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
7. The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
6. The only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "An apple a day."
5. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
4. "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.
3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.
2. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little "M"s on them.
And the Number 1 Sign You've Joined a Cheap HMO. . .
1. You ask for Viagra; you get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.
In the wake of the Exxon/Mobil deal and the AOL/Netscape deal, here are the latest mergers we can expect to see:
Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Company merge to become Hale Mary Fuller Grace.
Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge to become Polly-Warner-Cracker.
3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood.
John Deere and Abitibi-Price merge to become Deere Abi.
Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining merge to become Zip Audi Do Da.
Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merge to become Honey I'm Home.
Denison Mines, and Alliance and Metal Mining merge to become Mine, All Mine.
Knott's Berry Farm and the National Organization for Women merge to become Knott NOW.
A woman takes her time.
Airplanes like to do it inverted.
Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
An airplane does not get mad if you' touch and go.'
An airplane does not object to a preflight inspection.
Airplanes come with manuals.
Airplanes have strict weight and balance limits.
You can fly an airplane any time of the month.
Airplanes don't have parents.
Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.
Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you have flown.
When flying, you and your airplane both arrive at the same time.
Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes, or if you buy airplane magazines.
If your airplane is too loose, you can tighten it.
It's always OK to use tie downs on your airplane.
40-ish.................. 48
Adventurer.............. Has had more partners than you ever will
Athletic................ Flat-chested
Average looking......... Ugly
Beautiful............... Pathological liar
Educated................ College dropout
Emotionally Secure...... Medicated
Feminist................ Fat; ball buster
Friendship first........ Trying to live down reputation as slut
Fun..................... Annoying
Gentle.................. Comatose
Good Listener........... Borderline Autistic
New-Age................. All body hair, all the time
Open-minded............. Desperate
Outgoing................ Loud
Passionate.............. Loud
Poet.................... Depressive Schzophrenic
Professional............ Real Witch
Redhead................. Shops the Clairol more...
40-ish.................. 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic................ Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Average looking......... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated................ Will always treat you like an idiot
Free Spirit............. Sleeps with your sister
Friendship first........ As long as friendship involves nudity
Fun..................... Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking............ Arrogant
Honest.................. Pathological Liar
Huggable................ Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Like to cuddle.......... Insecure, overly dependent
Mature.................. Until you get to know him
Physically fit.......... I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself
Poet.................... Has written on a bathroom stall
Spiritual............... Once went to church with more...
1. Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being friends.
2. I think hairy butts are really sexy.
3. Please don't throw that old t-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute.
4. This diamond is way too big.
5. Wow, it really is 14 inches!
6. Does this make my butt look too small?
7. I'm wrong, you must be right again.
8. Why don't you go out with your friends to see the strippers tonight?
9. I insist that you always put your mother before me.
10. I love a good cigar after sex.
11. Move over, I'm driving. I love city traffic.
12. Let's skip that stage show with Mel Gibson and go watch the Tyson fight at a bar.
13. That shirt doesn't smell bad enough to need washing. Wear it again today.
14. Your buddies tell the best stories. I could listen to them all day.
15. I understand.
1. While I'm up, can I get you a beer?
2. Her tits are just too big.
3. Sometimes I just want to be held.
4. Sure I'd love to wear a condom.
5. We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
6. I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask for directions.
7. Honey, I'm going to the store, do you need more tampons?
8. This shower curtain doesn't have enough frills on it.
9. Damn, too bad this car isn't a four cylinder.
10. It's OK, I'll sleep in the wet spot.
11. I'm sick of beer, give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist.
12. Great, your mother's coming to stay with us again.
13. No way, you weeded the garden last week. It's my turn.
14. Better get rid of these old Penthouse magazines. I don't look at them any more.
15. I understand.
16. This movie has too much nudity.
17. more...