Funds Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" "I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.
"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble." "What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said.
"there must be some mistake." "I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying,' Insufficient Funds'."

Source: Colleague at Wash. Dept. of Info. Services, Olympia, Washington
o Trust everybody... then cut the cards.
o Two wrongs are only the beginning.
o If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
o To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
o Exceptions prove the rule... and wreck the budget.
o Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
o Quality assurance doesn't.
o The tough part of a Data Processing Manager's job is that users don't really
know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.
o Exceptions always outnumber rules.
o To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
o No one is listening until you make a mistake.
o He who hesitates is probably right.
o The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.
o If something is confidential, it will be left in the copier more...

A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" "I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad."You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble.""What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake.""I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying,' Insufficient Funds'."

WASHINGTON D.C. - Following an emergency meeting Wednesday morning, Congress unanimously voted to excise Florida from the United States of America.
The move was a reaction to the confusion and irregularities in the state's voting numbers that have totally disrupted the 2000 Presidential election.
"This is the last straw," said Utah senator Orin Hatch. "First Elian Gonzales, now this."
Several congressmen told reporters the decision has been a long time in coming.
"We're all pretty much sick of Florida," said representative Barney Frank. "They've been a constant embarrassment for too long now." Added Frank, "They had Dan Marino for a while, but what have they done lately? Oh that's right, screw up our entire democracy. I forgot."
In a speech on the Senate floor, Massachusetts senator Ted Kennedy commented that the loss of Florida's sizable elderly population will free up billions of dollars in social security funds. more...

The History of Santa Claus - Part 1
======================
== The Untold Story ==
======================
1689
Spanish-German explorer Santa Claus discovers the North Pole, and
establishes a small base camp.
1691
Because of harsh and meager living conditions, Claus' crew
abandons him.
1692
Claus is rescued by the Viking ship Hvorfor. He returns to Europe,
bringing some items along with him from the North Pole. He finds
he is able to sell them quite easily, making a small profit.
1703
Claus saves up enough money to buy a small ship and crew, and
returns to the North Pole. Upon arriving, he finds his base camp,
half-buried but still intact.
1704
Claus returns to Europe with a shipload of North Pole artifacts,
and is successful in selling them. He makes enough profit to
increase his crew, and buys building materials to expand his polar
base.
1705
Claus returns again to more...

A young blonde college co-ed came running in tears to her father.
"Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!"
"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.
"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."
"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake."
"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."

When reviewing your notes for a test, the most important ones will be illegible.
When someone says this is as bad as it can get, don’t bet on it.
When there are sufficient funds in the checking account, checks take two weeks to clear. When there are insufficient funds, checks clear overnight.
When you don’t have an education, you’ve got to use your brains.
When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby, while all other coins will roll out of sight.
When the going gets tough, the smart get sneaky.
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will perform perfectly.
When they want it bad (in a rush), they get it bad.
When things are going well, someone will inevitably experiment detrimentally.