Gig Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two drummers and a violinist decide to form a band. The three of them start playing, and the sound is just awful. One drummer turns to the other and says, "We sound terrible. I don't think this is going to work. Let's get rid of the violinist."

This trumpet player was on the phone with his agent. He was concerned that he didn't have a gig in a while. His agent tells him; "Listen, there aren't any gigs out there, but I found you something. I got you a gig bagging lions."

To which the trumpet player says, "What does that have to do with my playing. The agent then says "Look, the gig pays 100. 00 for each lion that you bag, don't worry about playing"

. At this point the trumpet player will take anything so he hangs up and flies to Africa. Not wanting to miss any practice time he takes his trumpet with him while looking for the lions. He notices a lion coming toward him and the only thing that he could think of doing is more...

1. It becomes more important to find a place on stage for your fan than for your amp.
2. Your gig clothes make you look like George Burns out for a round of golf.
3. All your fans leave by 9: 30 p. m.
4. All you want from groupies is a foot massage and back rub.
5. You love taking the elevator because you can sing along with most of your play list.
6. Instead of a fifth member, your band wants to spring for a roadie.
7. You don't know (or care) who any of the new bands are.
8. You need your glasses to see the amp settings.
9. You've thrown out your back jumping off the stage.
10. You feel like hell before the gig even starts.

11. The waitress is your daughter.
12. You stop the set because your ibuprofen fell behind the speakers.
13. Most of your crowd just sways in their seats.
14. You find your drink tokens from last month's gig in your guitar case.
15. You refuse to play without earplugs.
16. You ask the club owner if you can start at 8: 30 instead of 9: 30.
17. You check the TV schedule before booking a gig.
18. Your gig stool has a back.
19. You're related to at least one member in the band.
20. You don't let any one sit in.

21. You need a nap before the gig.
22. After the third set, you bug the club owner to let you quit early.
23. During the breaks, you now go to the van to lay down.
24. You prefer a music stand with a light.
25. You don't recover from a Saturday night gig until Tuesday afternoon.
26. You hope the host's speech lasts forever.....
27. You buy amps considering their weight and not their tone or cool factor.
28. Feeling guilty looking at hot women at the bar' cause they're younger than your daughter.
29. You can remember seven different club names for the same location. ..
30. You have a hazy memory of the days when you could work 10 gigs in 7 days and could physically do it

The trombone is known for its pleading, voice-like quality. "Listen," it seems to say in the male tenor range, "Why won't anybody hire me for a gig?" Trombonists like to play fast, because their notes become indistinguishable and thus immune to criticism.
Most trombonists played trumpet in their early years, then decided they didn't want to walk around with a strange indentation on their lips. Now they hate trumpet players, who somehow get all the women despite this disfigurement. Trombonists are usually tall and lean, with forlorn faces.
They don't eat much. They have to be very friendly, because nobody really needs a trombonist. Talk to a trombonist during a break and he'll ask you for a gig, try to sell you insurance, or offer to mow your lawn. "