Goals Jokes / Recent Jokes

When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for
himself: Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work.I promptly added: "Send Michelle money every month."A few days later my brother wrote: "Make payments on car for Jason."Then my boyfriend joined in with: "Buy Tom a Jeep."Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list: "Wean kids."

As part of our EAPD goals this next year, I came across this exercise to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders.

It seems so easy that I am directing you to include it as part of your EAPD goals for next year.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax.

Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks, then 50-lb. potato sacks, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks; but be careful!

If God was process oriented, the Book of Genesis might read something like this:
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, so God created a small committee. He carefully balanced the committee vis-a-vis race, gender, ethnic origin, and economic status in order to interface pluralism with the holistic concept of self-determination according to adjudicatory guidelines.
Even God was impressed, and so ended the first day.
And God said, "Let the committee draw up a mission statement." And behold, the committee decided to prioritize and strategize and God called that process empowerment. And God thought it sounded pretty good.
And evening and morning were the second day.
And God said, "Let the committee determine goals and objectives and engage in long-term planning." Unfortunately, a debate about the semantic differences between goals and objectives pre-empted almost all of the third day. Although more...

I found this on a gopher, hence do not know the author's name.
The Court of King George III
London, England
July 10, 1776
Mr. Thomas Jefferson
c/o The Continental Congress
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Dear Mr. Jefferson:
We have read your "Declaration of Independence" with great interest. Certainly, it represents a considerable undertaking, and many of your statements do merit serious consideration. Unfortunately, the Declaration as a whole fails to meet recently adopted specifications for proposals to the Crown, so we must return the document to you for further refinement.
The questions which follow might assist you in your process of revision:
In your opening paragraph you use the phrase "the Laws of Nature and Nature's God." What are these laws? In what way are they the criteria on which you base your central arguments? Please document with citations from the recent literature.
In the same paragraph you refer to the more...

Process-Oriented God If God was process oriented, the Book of Genesis might read something like this: In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, so God created a small committee. He carefully balanced the committee vis-a-vis race, gender, ethnic origin, and economic status in order to interface pluralism with the holistic concept of self-determination according to adjudicatory guidelines. Even God was impressed, and so ended the first day. And God said, “Let the committee draw up a mission statement. ” And behold, the committee decided to prioritize and strategize and God called that process empowerment. And God thought it sounded pretty good. And evening and morning were the second day. And God said, “Let the committee determine goals and objectives and engage in long-term planning. ” Unfortunately, a debate about the semantic differences between goals and objectives pre-empted almost all of the third day. Although the more...