Grandpa Jokes / Recent Jokes
once there was a little boy at the hospital because his grandpa had a heartattack.
litlle boy: grandma how did gramps have his heart atack
grams: well me and grandpa still do it
littleboy: ok
grams: so when we do it we do it to the church bells
little boy: ok
grams: whin the church bells go ding grandpa goes in and when the church bell goes dong grandpa comes out
little boy: oh ok
grams: but the ice cream truck went by and they went ding! ding! ding! ding! ding! and grandpa was trying to keep up.
little boy: oh
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves when the little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather smiles. "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole. The grandfather, impressed with his grandson's ingenuity, hands him five dollars. .. then grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars?" The grandfather replies, "Yes, I know. But that's from your grandma!"
Grandpa is running around in the nursing home with his privates hanging out of his pants screaming: "My penis just died, my penis just died!"The nurses calm him down, and he goes back to his room. The next day, grandpa is running around again with his privates hanging out, so the nurse asks him: "I thought you said yesterday that your penis died. What happened?" Grandpa replies: "Yes, it did... but today is the viewing!"
Betsy Sue Jim Bob was walking down the street when she noticed her grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing?' she exclaimed.
The old ma looked off in the distance without answering.
'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' she asked again.
The old man slowly looked at her and said, 'Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.
Grandma & Grampa are sitting there watching TV when Grandpa decides
he's hungry for some ice cream.
"Hey, Grandma - I'm gonna' head to the kitchen and get myself a dish
of ice cream. You want I should get you some, too?"
"Sure, Grandpa, sounds good. But you better write down what you're
going out there for or else you'll forget." replies Grandma.
"I will not!" retorts Grandpa. "In fact, tell me what you want on it
and I'll show you I can remember that, too."
"OK," says Grandma, "I'll have some chocolate sauce. But you're
gonna' forget..."
Grandpa heads out to the kitchen and disappears for about 20 or 30
minutes, accompanied by a cacaphonous banging of pots and pans.
Finally he emerges, carrying a plate of scrambled eggs.
"See there, Grandpa. I told you you'd forget!" chides Grandma.
"Whaddya' mean, 'forget,' Grandma? What did I forget?" demands more...
One day, Jimmy is walking home from school. When he gets home, he finds his grandpa sitting on the Porch without any pants on! So he goes up to his grandpa and says "Grandpa, do you realize that you're not wearing any pants?" His grandpa replies "Yes Jimmy, I do." Jimmy then says "Well, why are you outside without any pants on Grandpa?" His grandpa looks at Jimmy and responds "Well Jimmy, yesterday I sat outside without a shirt to long, and I got a stiff neck. This was your grandma's idea."
One day grandpa says to grandma "Why don't we go to the motel like we used to do when we were young and get kinky?"
So they get to the motel and go into the room.
Grandpa takes off his glasses and says he going to get into the shower to freshen up.
In the meantime grandma takes off her clothes and gets into bed.
She decides to do some leg stretches to limber up ( it's been awhile ).
Well she throws her legs over her head and they get caught in the headboard.
Right then grandpa walks out of the bathroom and sees her that way.
"My God woman" he says "you need to put your teeth in and comb your hair, you look like an asshole!"