Groom Jokes / Recent Jokes

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman. But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.

She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"

The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years, and I thought he meant his money!!"

How can you tell if you're at a redneck wedding? The bridesmaids are strippers, the best man gave the bride a spittoon as a wedding gift, the groom is wearing his finest wrestling shirt, and the bride's father is getting pit stains from holding the shotgun to the groom's head for so long. First Name: Tumbleweed Smith

On their wedding night, the young bride told her groom, 'Since we're married now, we can arrange our sex life like this: In the evening if my hair is done, that means I don't want sex at all. If my hair is somewhat undone, that means I may or may not have sex. Last...if my hair is completely undone, that means I want sex.'
The groom replied, 'OK, honey cup. Just make sure that when I come home, I usually have a drink...If I have only one drink, that means I don't want sex.
If I have two drinks, I may or may not be wanting sex. But if I drink more than two...your hair won't matter!'

A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his brideif he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she willnever open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer hasbeen left ajar. She peeks in and sees 3 golf balls and $6, 000. She confronts her mate with her findings, and asks for anexplanation. He explains "Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer." She figures 3 times in 30 years isn't bad. But what about the$6, 000? He explains "Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold' em!"

Men should never marry a woman for her beauty alone. That is rather like buying a house just because you like the way it's painted.
My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, and so made sure that she would stay, in better spirits night and day.
My opinions are my wife's, and she says I'm damn lucky to have them.
My other wife is beautiful.
My wife and I have a perfect understanding; I don't try to run her life and I don't try to run mine.
My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it.
My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them.
My wife ran off with my best friend last week. Gawd, I miss him!
My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.
My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.
Not all men are fools. Some are bachelors.
Nowadays, the only place a single woman can find the best man is at a wedding.
One of more...

Men should never marry a woman for her beauty alone. That is rather like buying a house just because you like the way it's painted.My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, and so made sure that she would stay, in better spirits night and day.My opinions are my wife's, and she says I'm damn lucky to have them.My other wife is beautiful.My wife and I have a perfect understanding; I don't try to run her life and I don't try to run mine.My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it.My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them.My wife ran off with my best friend last week. Gawd, I miss him! My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.Not all men are fools. Some are bachelors.Nowadays, the only place a single woman can find the best man is at a wedding.One of the safest ways to assure a happy marriage is to be sure more...

A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary.On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry.When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting."Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor."Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I want the traditional service."