Guest Jokes / Recent Jokes

One morning in a posh hotel breakfast room, a guest called over the head waiter. "Good morning, sir! I'd like to order two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked that it's
runny, and the other so overcooked that it's tough. I also want some rubbery bacon, burnt toast, and butter that's so cold it's impossible to spread. Finally, I'll have a pot of extra-weak coffee, served at room temperature."The bewildered waiter almost stuttered. "Sir! We cannot serve such an awful breakfast to you here!""Why not?" the guest replied. "That's what I got here yesterday!"

One year at Hallowe'en the governor of Illinois was giving a costume party.
All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce
what there characters were.
When one couple arrived he announced "Mickey and Minnie Mouse."
As the next couple arrived he announced "Tarzan and Jane."
...and so on as each guest arrived.
Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants but
apart from that totally naked from head to toe.
"Who do you think you are?" demanded the doorman. Having ascertained that
the man was indeed an invited guest from the local university CS department,
the doorman asked, "How shall I announce you?"
The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation."
"I'm very sorry sir" said the doorman in obvious shock, "I cannot announce
anything like that to such a gathering."
"O.K." said the professor. "Just say I more...

What is your IQ? Bob is throwing a party. He decides that, to break the ice at his party, he'll ask his guests what their I.Q. is-hopefully this will strike up an appropriate conversation from there.
The day of Bob's party rolls around, and when the first guest knocks on the door, Bob asks the person what her I.Q. is.
"200,000" replies the first guest.
"Well, that's great," says Bob, let's talk about ethereal astro physics.
Bob and this first guest talk about the aforementioned subject for a while.
Later in the party, someone else is at the door. "Hi my name is Bob; welcome to my party, what's your I.Q.?"
The new guest responds with "250".
"Great," says Bob. "Lets talk about advanced math. Bob and his new guest talk about calculus and statistics for awhile.
Much later in the party, after many more guests had arrived and been spoken to by Bob, yet another guest arrives at the door. "Hi, my more...

Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauce again. That night, the phone rang during dinner, and a guest volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out."

Hotel guest: Can you give me a room and a bath, please? Porter: I can give you a room, but you'll have to wash yourself.

Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result, seldom had
guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly
carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father, who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest. This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, “It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size.”

If there is music, mix up your dancing: break dance to classical, symphony conductor hand waves to techno music.If you find your former dancing partner dancing with someone else, burst into tears, wailing "I thought you loved me!", and run from the room.Tell a middle-aged wife, "Your husband seems very happy with that girl in the closet..."Tell a middle aged man, "Your wife seems very happy with that boy in the closet..."Whisper to the guest on your right, "What kind of lame moron actually goes to these parties, anyway?"Bring Lego warships and fighter jets. Wage a war in the middle of the room. Urge other guests to get involved. If you are a historical expert, reenact the revolutionary war, the civil war, world war two, etc.Bring a soccer ball, basketball, football, or baseball. Start a game... in the kitchen.Karate chop everywhere and everything. Yell really, really loud. A few sudden kicks would be worthwhile as well.Wear wool or feathers and more...