Hank Jokes

In the good old days of the golden oldies, most records were sold on the Decca label. Henry Busse had a hot hit titled, "Hot Lips." A lady heard the record on the radio and decided that she just had to have it. She looked up the number for the record shop and called them. Unfortunately, she misdialed and, instead of reaching the record store, she got "Hank's Auto Body." She said, "Do you have' Hot Lips' on a ten-inch Decca?" Hank, who had answered the phone himself, said, "Well, uh, ma'am, no, but I do have hot nuts under a ten-inch pecker!" A slight pause. The lady said, "Is that a record?" "I don't know, ma'am, but it's a damned good average."

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Hank!
Hank who?
Hank misbehavin'! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Hank!
Hank who?
Hankor man! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Hank!
Hank who?
Hank you!

A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.
"Hi, is Hank home?" he asks.
"No, I'm sorry, he's out running some errands," she replies.
"Would you mind if I wait?" he asks.
"No, that would be fine. Come on in," she says.
They go into the kitchen, sit down, and the guy says, "You know, Laura, you have the most beautiful breasts I've ever seen. I'll give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."
Laura thinks about it for a second and figures what the heck. She opens her robe and lets him see one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.
They sit a while longer and Ben says, "They really are so beautiful. I just have to see both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see both of them together."
Laura thinks about it and figures what the heck. She opens her robe and gives Ben a nice long look. He thanks her, throws more...

The 6: 07 commuter's train was quite late in leaving for its exur-ban destination, and Hank and Mack were enjoying their wait in the station bar. They had, in fact, been drinking long enough to have reached the stage of semimaudlin confession about their sex life.
"You know," Hank said, "I never had any relations with my wife at all before we were married. Did you?"
Mack reflected with what, under the circumstances, was admirable sobriety. "Gee," he finally said, "I dunno. What was her maiden name?"

A railway inspector in Arkansas in the United States was making the rounds of a railway station and yard in a small town.
He located Hank, a man who had worked in the rail yard for almost forty years. He questioned Hank about various safety considerations and seemed to be satisfied that Hank was genuinely knowledgeable about railway safety.
As a last question, he asked Hank what he would do if he saw two trains approaching each other, on the same track, travelling at speeds of 60 miles per hour (96.8 Kph).
Hank said "I'd yell R.T."
The railway inspector, puzzled by this, asked, "What's R.T."?
Hank said, "R.T.'s my buddy and he ain't never seen no train wreck like that would be"!