Hanson Jokes / Recent Jokes

Hanson's Treatment of Time: There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.

In The News - Edited excerpts from the LA Times
Includes some late night humor
WARNING: May be offensive to American Politicians, White House interns, Amtrak, American sports stars, and supermodels.
Well folks, the rain is on hold for a few days, but... Legislators in Sacramento voted to change the state song from "I Love You California" to Paul Simon's "Slip Slidin' Away".
President Clinton says he approaches everything Saddam Hussein says with a great degree of skepticism. Pretty much the same way we approach everything Clinton says. (Letterman)
American forces in the Persian Gulf went back to full alert when Hussein announced he would honor his latest UN inspection agreement as faithfully as Clinton honored his wedding vows.
Newsweek magazine says Monica Lewensky's resume lists one of her duties at the White House as training the new interns. That's not surprising. If you were Bill Clinton, wouldn't YOU want her to train the new intern? more...

One day, Pauline Hanson is being chauffeured to a One Nation rally in the Queensland outback, when her driver swerves to avoid a pot hole and hits a cow on the side of the road, killing it instantly.



When they arrive at their destination, Pauline suggests to the driver that he should go back to the farm house and apologise for the accident and offer to pay for the damages.



Three hours later, the driver returns, with all his clothes torn, holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cuban cigar in the other, and swaying left to right as he walked. Pauline asks the driver "What happened"?



"Well, the farmer gave me this bottle, his wife gave me this cigar, and his beautiful 19 year old daughter made passionate love to me!"



"Bloody hell - what did you tell them?"



"I said, Hi, I'm Pauline Hanson's driver and I just killed the cow!"

One day, Tang Liang Hong booked a flight on a plane to the Caribbean, when he realised that Pauline Hanson would also be on the same plane. As luck would have it, they were assigned adjacent seats. A short while after takeoff, the conversation started. PH: ' Mr. Tang, why are you going to the Caribbean?'
TLH: ' I need a break from my political career after I was trounced by Lee Kuan Yew. And why are you going to the Caribbean as well, Madam Hanson?'
PH: ' Well, I'm going to the Caribbean because there are no pigs or chinese there.'
TLH: ' Well, it's a good thing that we are going there, now the locals can have a taste of both.'