Harry Jokes / Recent Jokes

Harry was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his proposal of marriage as he was sensitive about his wooden leg and a bit afraid no one would have him. In fact, he couldn't bring himself to tell his fiancee' about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place. All he kept saying was, "Darling, I've got a big surprise for you," at which she blushed and smiled bewitchingly.
The wedding night came and went, and the young couple were at last alone in their hotel room. "Now don't forget, Harry, you promised me a big surprise," said the bride.
Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife's hand on the stump.
"Hmmmmm," she said softly, "that IS a surprise. But pass me the Vaseline and I'll see what I can do!"

Harry was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his proposal of marriage as he was sensitive about his wooden leg and a bit afraid no one would have him. In fact, he couldn't bring himself to tell his fiancee' about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place. All he kept saying was, "Darling, I've got a big surprise for you," at which she blushed and smiled bewitchingly.The wedding night came and went, and the young couple were at last alone in their hotel room. "Now don't forget, Harry, you promised me a big surprise," said the bride.Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife's hand on the stump."Hmmmmm," she said softly, "that IS a surprise. But pass me the Vaseline and I'll see what I can do!"

Harry was in the hospital. He was an old man, and from time to time the young nurse would come in and say in a patronising tone, "And how are we doing this morning?"
Well, this is a story of revenge. Harry had received breakfast, and had taken the juice off the tray, putting it on his stand. Now, he had been given a urine bottle to fill - the juice was apple juice; you know where the juice went.
The nurse came in, picked up the urine bottle and said, "It seems we are a little cloudy today..." At this, Harry snatched the bottle out of her hand, and drank the contents, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again, maybe I can filter it better this time."

Harry, a golfing enthusiast if there ever was one, arrived home from the club to an irate, ranting wife. "I`m leaving you, Harry," his wife announced bitterly. "You promised me faithfully that you`d be back before six and here it is almost nine. It just can`t take that long to play 18 holes of golf." "Honey, wait," said Harry. "Let me explain. I know what I promised you, but I have a very good reason for being late. Fred and I tee`d off right on time and everything was find for the first three holes. Then, on the fourth tee Fred had a stroke. I ran back to the clubhouse but couldn`t find a doctor. And, by the time I got back to Fred, he was dead. So, for the next 15 holes, it was hit the ball, drag Fred, hit the ball, drag Fred...

Harry went in to see his barber to find out whether he had any suggestions on how to treat his increasing baldness.
After a short pause, the barber leaned closer and whispered, "The best thing that I've discovered is, um, well, um, female juices."
"But you're much balder than I am," protested Harry.
"That's true," agreed the barber, "but you must admit, I have one hell of a mustache!"

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Harry!
Harry who?
Harry you been! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Harry!
Harry who?
Harry up and answer this door!

Ted and his wife where waiting at the bus stop with Harry, his spouse and Harry's nine children.
At last the bus drew up, packed with poeple.
The two women, and the nine children managed to get on. but the men where left behind and had to walk.
After trotting along the road for an hour, Ted's walking stick got on Harry's nerves with its continual tapping.
"Why don't you put a rubber on that stick!" Harry complained.
Ted snapped back "If you'd put a rubber on your stick, we'd have got on that blasted bus."